I think one underappreciated motivation for restricting risky play is the very real financial or legal consequences.
My parents are boomers, and if they fell off a tree branch and broke their arm, their parents would take them to a family doctor who might even set the bone and put the arm in a plaster cast on the spot for a reasonable sum. If my kids break an arm, it's automatically a minimum $6,000 emergency room visit with the potential for up to $12,000 out of pocket maximum.
During the pandemic, many states have started prosecuting parents for failing to keep kids on a short leash, including the state in which I live. I feel certain that if I let my kids wander the community spaces in our neighborhood unsupervised, more than one of my neighbors would contact law enforcement to report an unattended child.
I'm all in on this analysis, but many of the factors affecting this huge problem are way beyond the ability of any individual parent to solve.
Could having fewer children be one factor? Apart from fewer opportunities to play with siblings, it's a cliché that we are blasé about our second child doing things that we'd have freaked out over with our first. About third and fourth children, I can't speak.
Great piece with a crucially important message! Growing up in Switzerland, I experienced schooling that emphasized risky play, freedom to explore, and ample time to do so. Kindergarten children wear orange reflective stripes as they make their own way to school (and in many small towns parents are actively discouraged from driving them). Outdoor building spaces where children can build forts with simple tools are scattered throughout the town. Safety should be exercised online, but kids need real life risks to thrive. My husband and I wrote a related piece "The Hollow Boys, and Girls: Restoring Risk, Efficacy, and the Small Triumphs of Life" https://pilgrimsinthemachine.substack.com/p/the-hollow-boys-and-girls-restoring. Thanks again!
Loved this article and fully support the concept. But I don't think this passage supports the argument: "Injury-related deaths are at an all-time low in most Western nations. In the US, deaths from unintentional injuries fell by 73% for boys and 85% for girls between 1973 and 2010." It suggests that what we are doing is, in fact, making our kids safer.
I would personally argue that while injuries will be more frequent with risky unsupervised play, they will be less severe in general; children will be better able to cope; and mental health and overall happiness will improve. But it's illogical to deny that supervising all play makes children physically safer: it seems that it does.
I am not surprised by these findings. As a young kid growing up in the 80’s I remember climbing trees (and falling!). I remember when my daughter was 10 months old and started walking. As she walked down the street, a little wobbly, a concerned parent asked me, “aren’t you afraid she’s going to fall?” She was shocked when I replied calmly, “there is no doubt that she will fall. But do you suggest I prevent her from trying to walk?” Being a parent is not easy. And striking the right balance between some healthy protection, and letting go is a challenge. But the results I see with “helicopter parenting” are indeed very alarming.
As an educator I see risky plays greatest benefits in building both social relationships and social visdom to solve disagreements before they evolve in open conflicts. It’s all too easy for supervising adult to come and give ones own opinion which children did something wrong or which children should change ones actions, but it is way more important to let children sort out their quarrels.
The more I follow social media, the more confirmed I am, that one of younger generatios aggressive and extremely selfcentered demands rise from the fact that soneone else always sorted out their disargreements and gave them a guidance or ordered to change thee way they played before children had any possibility to learn methods to solve disagreements.
This is so interesting. My son was very anxious and depressed (even though we lived in nature and he had unlimited access to risky activities) until he went to college where the outdoor program pushes the kids to camp, hike, ski, bike, canoe, etc plus a whole range of indoor and outdoor sports. It’s all intramural and every student is on a team. It’s his group of barely supervised friends having the time of their lives.
I definitely think the fact that people have fewer children is also important - the worse thing I can think of as a mother is one of my kids dying, but as I have four at least the other four would keep me going in life. In China an earthquake and landslides killed hundreds of children at a school years back - I remember thinking how totally tragic if that was your only child killed, and now you were too old to have any more. Plus with more kids as mentioned below the parents dont have time to supervise the older ones to the same extent.
I thought I was overprotected as a kid in the early 2000s, but I played outside pretty much every day, climbing trees and hitting my friends with sticks or clods of dust (and getting hit in return). My school had a rope in the gymnasium going up to the ceiling (~30ft). Starting in kindergarten, we would climb it. There was a 2 inch foam mat at the bottom in case someone fell. I guess the idea was that no kid who could make it to the top would let go, and anyone who couldn’t make it to the top would fall before getting very high. I remember jumping off of trees and playscapes onto the ground from distances that would break most adults’ legs, and somehow nobody ever got hurt (kids have strong bones - I saw a kid fall out of a ski lift and get up and ski away).
"The biggest barrier to children’s freedom is us – the adults in their lives." is well said. But "our own fears." spring from vast mis-steps that Western civilisation has taken in recent decades. Our unhealthy obsessions with 'health and safety' have always been common-sense-apparent as stupid to many people during this time but they have juggernauted along anyway....part of the great Mass-mediated-'Expert' Complex that has engulfed us.
Thank you so much for the well thought out, well written article! As a mom of a young one, I try really hard to let my daughter engage in risky play. It is challenging to figure out what is appropriate for her age, though. I would love some examples and/or focus on how to cultivate this with little ones (1-4Y)!
For example, my husband built our daughter a regular-size slide and playground in our backyard. She can climb it by herself, but am I reducing her sense of risk and self-confidence by standing behind her as she climbs? I try REALLY HARD to not tell her to be careful haha. I guess my question is, what are the supervision guidelines you'd recommend for small children? (i.e., I'm not about to let her go play by herself near a body of water without supervision, because she can't swim.)
And, just to be Devil's advocate, is there evidence that the reduction in free play has led to the physical "safety" kids enjoy today? Are there studies that point to the root cause of this reduction in injury? (e.g., seat belts, better hospital care, etc.)
"Yet statistics show that it has never been a safer time to be a child. Injury-related deaths are at an all-time low in most Western nations. In the US, deaths from unintentional injuries fell by 73% for boys and 85% for girls between 1973 and 2010. This misperception of risk creates the parental paradox. "
Practice "loving neglect" to prepare your kids for the world. Helicopter parenting is a sure fire way for kids to become anxious, insecure adults. They must get dirty, bump and bruise themselves, test themselves to discover who they are, become resilient and build selfconfidence. Be there when your kids really need you.
Seems like a heavy focus on physical or spatial risk rather than the risks that come from interacting with a broad mix of diverse personalities - bullies, neurodiverse, disadvantaged - which would seem equally or more productive in development.
I have always believed that the best thing that parents, and other adults can do for the positive development of children is to introduce them to opportunities to learn, grow and excel at ‘things’. AKA, introduce children to things they might not consider interesting if left to their own devices. Or, when micro-managed by their protectors and benefactors. In a world of free choice and when allowed to decide their own fates, exploration of all the world is critical, in my opinion to personal growth and to confidence-building. By being taught to there is much more to life than always “playing it safe”, one learns to more openly seek out alternative choices and decisions rather than what is succinctly possible or doable. Is there no better way to teach someone that freedom, in all its varied possibilities, should be our manifest destiny as thinking individuals who seek fulfillment and happiness from life?
Great article! We operate a microschool and find it's often because of the wrong implicit models and metaphors we have for childhood and learning, and life itself. Over a two-hundred year slow-slide, play in its unvarnished form has become an afterthought. Even when we discuss it, we structure it and put it a padded room. The fear of litigation nudges us in that direction. Have written about our experience and learning here https://blog.comini.in/p/how-do-we-enable-playful-learning
I think one underappreciated motivation for restricting risky play is the very real financial or legal consequences.
My parents are boomers, and if they fell off a tree branch and broke their arm, their parents would take them to a family doctor who might even set the bone and put the arm in a plaster cast on the spot for a reasonable sum. If my kids break an arm, it's automatically a minimum $6,000 emergency room visit with the potential for up to $12,000 out of pocket maximum.
During the pandemic, many states have started prosecuting parents for failing to keep kids on a short leash, including the state in which I live. I feel certain that if I let my kids wander the community spaces in our neighborhood unsupervised, more than one of my neighbors would contact law enforcement to report an unattended child.
I'm all in on this analysis, but many of the factors affecting this huge problem are way beyond the ability of any individual parent to solve.
Could having fewer children be one factor? Apart from fewer opportunities to play with siblings, it's a cliché that we are blasé about our second child doing things that we'd have freaked out over with our first. About third and fourth children, I can't speak.
Great piece with a crucially important message! Growing up in Switzerland, I experienced schooling that emphasized risky play, freedom to explore, and ample time to do so. Kindergarten children wear orange reflective stripes as they make their own way to school (and in many small towns parents are actively discouraged from driving them). Outdoor building spaces where children can build forts with simple tools are scattered throughout the town. Safety should be exercised online, but kids need real life risks to thrive. My husband and I wrote a related piece "The Hollow Boys, and Girls: Restoring Risk, Efficacy, and the Small Triumphs of Life" https://pilgrimsinthemachine.substack.com/p/the-hollow-boys-and-girls-restoring. Thanks again!
Loved this article and fully support the concept. But I don't think this passage supports the argument: "Injury-related deaths are at an all-time low in most Western nations. In the US, deaths from unintentional injuries fell by 73% for boys and 85% for girls between 1973 and 2010." It suggests that what we are doing is, in fact, making our kids safer.
I would personally argue that while injuries will be more frequent with risky unsupervised play, they will be less severe in general; children will be better able to cope; and mental health and overall happiness will improve. But it's illogical to deny that supervising all play makes children physically safer: it seems that it does.
I am not surprised by these findings. As a young kid growing up in the 80’s I remember climbing trees (and falling!). I remember when my daughter was 10 months old and started walking. As she walked down the street, a little wobbly, a concerned parent asked me, “aren’t you afraid she’s going to fall?” She was shocked when I replied calmly, “there is no doubt that she will fall. But do you suggest I prevent her from trying to walk?” Being a parent is not easy. And striking the right balance between some healthy protection, and letting go is a challenge. But the results I see with “helicopter parenting” are indeed very alarming.
As an educator I see risky plays greatest benefits in building both social relationships and social visdom to solve disagreements before they evolve in open conflicts. It’s all too easy for supervising adult to come and give ones own opinion which children did something wrong or which children should change ones actions, but it is way more important to let children sort out their quarrels.
The more I follow social media, the more confirmed I am, that one of younger generatios aggressive and extremely selfcentered demands rise from the fact that soneone else always sorted out their disargreements and gave them a guidance or ordered to change thee way they played before children had any possibility to learn methods to solve disagreements.
Homeschool your kids, and they'll have a lot more free time to do this.
This is so interesting. My son was very anxious and depressed (even though we lived in nature and he had unlimited access to risky activities) until he went to college where the outdoor program pushes the kids to camp, hike, ski, bike, canoe, etc plus a whole range of indoor and outdoor sports. It’s all intramural and every student is on a team. It’s his group of barely supervised friends having the time of their lives.
I definitely think the fact that people have fewer children is also important - the worse thing I can think of as a mother is one of my kids dying, but as I have four at least the other four would keep me going in life. In China an earthquake and landslides killed hundreds of children at a school years back - I remember thinking how totally tragic if that was your only child killed, and now you were too old to have any more. Plus with more kids as mentioned below the parents dont have time to supervise the older ones to the same extent.
I thought I was overprotected as a kid in the early 2000s, but I played outside pretty much every day, climbing trees and hitting my friends with sticks or clods of dust (and getting hit in return). My school had a rope in the gymnasium going up to the ceiling (~30ft). Starting in kindergarten, we would climb it. There was a 2 inch foam mat at the bottom in case someone fell. I guess the idea was that no kid who could make it to the top would let go, and anyone who couldn’t make it to the top would fall before getting very high. I remember jumping off of trees and playscapes onto the ground from distances that would break most adults’ legs, and somehow nobody ever got hurt (kids have strong bones - I saw a kid fall out of a ski lift and get up and ski away).
"The biggest barrier to children’s freedom is us – the adults in their lives." is well said. But "our own fears." spring from vast mis-steps that Western civilisation has taken in recent decades. Our unhealthy obsessions with 'health and safety' have always been common-sense-apparent as stupid to many people during this time but they have juggernauted along anyway....part of the great Mass-mediated-'Expert' Complex that has engulfed us.
Thank you so much for the well thought out, well written article! As a mom of a young one, I try really hard to let my daughter engage in risky play. It is challenging to figure out what is appropriate for her age, though. I would love some examples and/or focus on how to cultivate this with little ones (1-4Y)!
For example, my husband built our daughter a regular-size slide and playground in our backyard. She can climb it by herself, but am I reducing her sense of risk and self-confidence by standing behind her as she climbs? I try REALLY HARD to not tell her to be careful haha. I guess my question is, what are the supervision guidelines you'd recommend for small children? (i.e., I'm not about to let her go play by herself near a body of water without supervision, because she can't swim.)
And, just to be Devil's advocate, is there evidence that the reduction in free play has led to the physical "safety" kids enjoy today? Are there studies that point to the root cause of this reduction in injury? (e.g., seat belts, better hospital care, etc.)
"Yet statistics show that it has never been a safer time to be a child. Injury-related deaths are at an all-time low in most Western nations. In the US, deaths from unintentional injuries fell by 73% for boys and 85% for girls between 1973 and 2010. This misperception of risk creates the parental paradox. "
Practice "loving neglect" to prepare your kids for the world. Helicopter parenting is a sure fire way for kids to become anxious, insecure adults. They must get dirty, bump and bruise themselves, test themselves to discover who they are, become resilient and build selfconfidence. Be there when your kids really need you.
Seems like a heavy focus on physical or spatial risk rather than the risks that come from interacting with a broad mix of diverse personalities - bullies, neurodiverse, disadvantaged - which would seem equally or more productive in development.
I have always believed that the best thing that parents, and other adults can do for the positive development of children is to introduce them to opportunities to learn, grow and excel at ‘things’. AKA, introduce children to things they might not consider interesting if left to their own devices. Or, when micro-managed by their protectors and benefactors. In a world of free choice and when allowed to decide their own fates, exploration of all the world is critical, in my opinion to personal growth and to confidence-building. By being taught to there is much more to life than always “playing it safe”, one learns to more openly seek out alternative choices and decisions rather than what is succinctly possible or doable. Is there no better way to teach someone that freedom, in all its varied possibilities, should be our manifest destiny as thinking individuals who seek fulfillment and happiness from life?
Great article! We operate a microschool and find it's often because of the wrong implicit models and metaphors we have for childhood and learning, and life itself. Over a two-hundred year slow-slide, play in its unvarnished form has become an afterthought. Even when we discuss it, we structure it and put it a padded room. The fear of litigation nudges us in that direction. Have written about our experience and learning here https://blog.comini.in/p/how-do-we-enable-playful-learning