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Kimberly Lackey's avatar

I agree 100% with all of this. Every last word. My daughter didn’t get a smartphone until 10th grade, but she was homeschooled through 9th, so that made it easier. My son was homeschooled through 6th grade, but we didn’t give him a phone until the end of 9th. Up until then he had a dumb phone that looked like a smartphone. It was HARD. By the time he got his smartphone, he was most likely the last one in his class of a couple hundred to get one. He felt left out. I was sympathetic but I’d read too much and I knew the dangers. I passionately resented the culture for forcing me to pick between these two poisons. Furthermore, many teachers and clubs require smartphone use for turning in homework or for communication. When your student has to go the teacher and ask for alternatives, this, for a teen, is hard.

Even though his school requires phones to be left in the lockers, they still sneak them in the classroom. So many of the homework assignments are online, so he comes home and “has to” be on his laptop, where myriad distractions await. I have parental control software, but it’s not perfect. The battles are never ending. He is always always always pushing back on our boundaries and restrictions. He is always comparing himself to his friends, who, in his mind, live perfect, carefree lives with unlimited tech access and no rules. We try to reason with him, to help him understand, and either he is incapable of understanding the logic or he refuses to. This dominates our lives, I hate it, and I’m SO angry at tech companies for foisting this upon us.

I didn’t know many parents at his school, but the couple I did know were more conservative and delayed the phone a little longer than others. But eventually they caved. I have found that if the friends of my sons have older siblings, they get smartphones a lot earlier.

This situation we are in is not sustainable. We need a campaign to target school principals and administrators, like what Haidt suggests, but even further. No homework on laptops. Clubs shouldn't require smartphones or apps. Don't post grades or homework assignments on Canvas. Constantly educate parents on why limiting screens is important. So many of them don't know.

Sorry for rant, but I'm at the end of my rope. I will not, however, give in to my son's demands to have his phone in his room or give him unlimited internet access. I. Will. Not.

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Shannon Hood's avatar

“The tragedy of a screen-addicted child.” Thank you for speaking truth on this important issue. We seem to be the only ones in our circle who don’t give our children/teens smartphones, but I am unphased. Convenience and peer pressure certainty aren’t good enough reasons to change my mind. Hopefully more parents will have the courage to join us!

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