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Bob Mccain's avatar

These are all great tips, but the BETTER solution is to for Congress to mandate that all pornography be available only via a PAID subscription. That would cut out 90+% of all adult pornography viewing and probably 99% of child pornography viewing. Why are we as parents and adults not demanding this??

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Ollie Parks's avatar

Why just pornography? There should be an end to all "free" social media. That's because it is not free. Social media is designed to feed on the users' data and personal history in ways that harm society and the user in the long run.

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Rhymes With "Brass Seagull"'s avatar

Or we could simply ban the very questionable practice of "surveillance advertising", and force Big Tech onto the DuckDuckGo model instead. And audit the algorithms as well. That would throw the proverbial One Ring into the fire for good, without violating the First Amendment.

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Ollie Parks's avatar

The problem is that we can't impose such a ban. It would take legislative action, and Big Tech owns the legislatures.

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Digital Hygiene Coach's avatar

although NCOSE is fighting with all its strength small progress is made. This year "dirty dozen list" https://youtu.be/DJnD-6C3l9E?si=RnG_2weAJgMgDumH makes it clear how to close that gate once and for all. SECTION 230. Big Tech has weaponized it and manipulated public opinion to keep it.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

Agreed. But we're a VERY long way away from this. This requires a collective definition of virtue, something we've been running away from since John Stuart Mill.

Why aren't parents demanding this? Because "maximal individual autonomy" is all they know.

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Digital Hygiene Coach's avatar

In his little talked about book "The disapperance of Childhood" the best American culture expert of the world, Neil Postman, outlined how TV started to infantilize adults and adultize children. The pain without the gain was sold to us, but we know better. Ancient wisdom tell us a different story, that's why Big Tech is so keen in making "ancient wisdom" and traditions un-cool, it's our only successful exit strategy.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

Great book, and I love that summary "infantilize adults and adultize children". Mass media flattens everything.

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宋艾倫's avatar

Between the libertarians of the right and the progressives of the left, I can hardly see any political improvement coming anytime soon. You are asking like an open letter, but just look at the comments here and reply to a few of these presumed adults and you'll get your answers. [I'm dismayed of how much dissention there is in this comment section among a presumably self-selected bunch of folks.]

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Mink's avatar

Enforce the laws we already have and ban it all. It's not speech, and never has been.

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Victoria Ashley's avatar

Congress cannot tell companies to charge for their services. Can you imagine the blowback from even suggesting this? Workarounds would occur immediately anyway.

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Rhymes With "Brass Seagull"'s avatar

Indeed. They could perhaps tax the hell out of those companies and hope that they pass the consumers, and they could MAYBE even set a price floor for those who do choose to charge for it (like they do for alcohol, tobacco, and milk). But that's about it, they cannot force companies to charge for their services. And even if they did, all that would do is drive them onto the Dark Web, which would make it even worse.

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Jeff Cunningham's avatar

Unfortunately, porn is readily available in a vast number of countries beyond the reach of any particular national jurisdiction. Your approach would not work.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

I worked in IT for many years. Many major porn providers are hosted here, not in Russia or Panama or Korea. PornHub could be shut down by EO tomorrow given the political will. Congress could alter Section 230 exemptions. Let them litigate it all the way to SCOTUS.

Internationally, it would be very easy to disallow particular domain traffic from entering the United States digital network. China does this. It's not hard.

The problem has never been technical. It has always been a lack of political will.

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Jeff Cunningham's avatar

But the trick is to not become like China and Russia in the process.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

That's very true, and if we see evidence of an authoritarian government that enforces rigid and arbitrary rules that severely limit human liberty in the name of promoting virtue... we should deal with that.

That is not the problem we have now. And the problem we have now is equally serious.

I have a Amish woodcarving in my living room: "liberty unbounded leads to senseless muddle."

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Chris McKenna's avatar

Appreciate your balance here, Brian, and what you're doing to educate families. Thank you. "Senseless muddle" abounds.

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Rhymes With "Brass Seagull"'s avatar

Indeed. That's the rub.

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Digital Hygiene Coach's avatar

aren't we halfway already? In Europe, we seem to be...

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John's avatar

I hope that in our lifetime we see how silly it was to label porn as an expression of free speech.

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Jeff Cunningham's avatar

Was that the Burgher court that decided that...in the 70's? I forget.

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Rhymes With "Brass Seagull"'s avatar

News Flash: we are NOT China. Though under Trump, we are on our way to becoming every bit as totalitarian at this rate, alas.

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Digital Hygiene Coach's avatar

And cultural. Sadly, the US is also a culture blind country.

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RJ O’Connor's avatar

Brian, thanks for the comment. Too many don’t understand what you do.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

I don't actually do it anymore. Now I teach American Government and Philosophy with a side order of Robotics (can't give it up completely.) But I was part of the generation of programmers building the first "apps" (interactive websites) back in the late 90's, and we were already talking about strategies to make the internet safer for kids way back then.

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Rhymes With "Brass Seagull"'s avatar

Indeed it would only drive it onto the Dark Web

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RandomAlias's avatar

thankfully we live in a democracy and this has less than a 1% chance of ever being voted for.

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Crimson's avatar

Wow the author didn’t like this comment. Libertarian nutcase.

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Vlad Darius Danciu's avatar

I love the effort put into the initiative. I am not a parent myself (yet) but it seems like they have to be pretty good with tech and work a lot on just this one thing. All of this in an environment where they probably work at least 8 hours a day and have 100 other issues to deal with. How us this feasible ? And if we zoom out a bit, Do we as a society want this to be an issue for our children ? How are ok with this ?

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Alvin Sinordo's avatar

Parents do not need to be pretty good with tech. There are too many free educational tutorials on protecting your network without spending too much time from other issues. Although parents have other issues to deal with after an 8 hour day, this issue would skip the line above many others if the proper value in it is realized. It would just be another form of parenting.

I am a husband, father, brother, son and an Information Technology Security Analyst who works in IT but mostly in Cybersecurity.

If we value what we teach our children, we can find value in what to do to protect them as best as we can.

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Rhymes With "Brass Seagull"'s avatar

That would really just drive it onto the dark web, where it is even worse.

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Curious Alan's avatar

The method we used to help monitor internet access started with the router. Only recognized MAC addresses were allowed to access and use the bandwidth provided. Phones are just part of the deluge of devices available. Add into the mix WIFI enabled vibration devices and now you get a sense of what is out there.

The other rules and methods used were to review the phone/laptop usage at the end of each day, have access to all app passwords, and lock down the phone/laptop so the “user” had no administrator privileges (unable to install software or apps). Phones and laptops were not allowed to be used after 8:00 PM, left on the kitchen table at night, and homework was to be done prior to the 8:00 PM lockdown. Plus, to further dampen the workarounds, browser history collected and stored in an administrator accessible location, and a packet sniffer was deployed targeting the MAC addresses of the controlled devices. That way all was laid bare.

It may sound draconian, but this is what was used. I simply stated “All social apps, your employer, every other app you use, open WIFI locations, including everyone else on the public WIFI service you’re connected to collect and store this data, so why can’t I?” Most reading this will think it’s too much heavy lifting to implement, but that’s what it takes.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

I second this. We do this in our house. IT's not perfect, but it solves 90% of the problems.

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Aspasia's avatar

How do you collect and store browser history in an administrator accessible location? Digital management is my very least favorite part of parenting. I feel like there’s always something I don’t know, always something new I’m finding out about. It’s exhausting.

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Chris McKenna's avatar

Maybe clarify what kind of device you're referring to. I know it's an exhausting process, but if we're going to give them devices, then managing our devices (remember, it doesn't belong to the child) just comes with the job. For example, iPhones allow some centralized control through Family Sharing. "Limit Adult Websites" on an iPhone prevents browser history from being deleted and Private Browsing.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

The easiest way to do this is with filter software. My favorite is Kaspersky, but it's Russian so you can't buy it anymore. My second favorite is Qustodio. Others work too, but stay away from any free tool like Microsoft Family. Basic rule online: if you didn't pay for it you're not the customer; you're probably the product. Qustodio is less than $5/mo.

I have an article on how to start monitoring kids online: https://teensandtech.substack.com/p/low-hanging-fruit-of-internet-safety

None of that is hard, and it's all intended for non-techy parents.

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Curious Alan's avatar

First, you have to let your child (anyone below 18) know you are going to be collecting all of the data you plan on, so the individual is responsible for modifying and policing their own behaviour. Second, for Windows OS create a Powershell script to use file system monitoring and safe copying using shadow or delayed copy. When the script is run is up to you. Something to consider is the SQLite history file is locked by Chrome while it is being used and then unlocked when chrome has been closed. The target directory of the copied info can be converted into a CSV or Excel file that is written to the admin directory location of your choosing. Third, you must have administrator privileges to do this on the machine, and the user to be monitored has a typical user account. That should be enough to create a viable prompt to enter into ChatGPT, for example, to have it create a script for you. Tweak the script as fits your needs, like have the script send the file to another remote computer using the WIFI connection using whatever protocol you feel works best.

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RandomAlias's avatar

i would hate to be a child, coworker, or even a friend of yours

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Robert Shannon's avatar

It is absolutely astounding how the porn industry has infiltrated our lives. As a kid of 12 back in 1949 a little paper booklets about 3”x5” in size passed around our world with caricatures of cartoon figures like Dick Tracy, Popeye and Olyve Oil and others having sex. Titilating. Then came Playboy and Hustler, all under the ‘freedom of speech. AI probably is adding to this revolution with its slick perfect anatomical correct characters. A disgusting descension into another sort of slavery.

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Brian Villanueva's avatar

I teach homeschool seminars on Internet safety. This advice mirrors exactly what I tell parents. Chris has great suggestions here (and I do have a technology degree.)

The thing about bedrooms is so important, and I really like his trio of bedroom-boredom-darkness.

Using MAC ID filtering on your router is critical. It means unknown devices can't connect. Also, setting your router to disallow Internet access between 11-6 AM is a good idea. MAny have this capability.

I put more focus on filter software (Qustodio is what we use now, but my favorite is Kaspersky, and when the Russian sanctions finally end, we'll go back to them.) But this is great advice overall. Far better than the last guest post on this subject from Tracey Foster.

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Emily Thomas's avatar

Thank you for everything you do to help protect our kids, Chris! Grateful for you!

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Chris McKenna's avatar

Thank you, Emily! Happy to help.

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David Garrett's avatar

Great post, Chris! I’m not a parent, but I take interest in these issues around digital harm, and specifically porn.

I understand your mission is to primarily protect kids and teens because of their developing brain, but porn can be a significant problem for adults too. A lot of the behavior these studies show in young people (e.g. anger, depression, lack of motivation, etc.) can occur in later stages as well, do they not?

I’m one of those millennials who grew up when it was still difficult to watch porn, but it became largely available when I was roughly 17, when we got our first DSL connection. There were moments during my 20s where I believe I can say it was an addiction, because I watched it almost every day.

I’m naturally interested in these topics, and I eventually stumbled into online forums and communities that were already discussing this back in the day, not from a research standpoint but from a lived experience one. I remember many of those men (because of course most were men) already mentioning that abstaining from porn would improve their focus, their relatability and intimacy, their courage to ask people out, etc.

I’ve found that what worked best for me in order to step back from it, after understanding its harms, was to treat it like an unhealthy substance, one that I should limit the most I can, but under no illusions that I would never consume it again (I even had a spreadsheet to mark the days I’d watch it, if you can believe it, so I could identify if it was becoming a problem again).

I guess the question I have is if the technical recommendations here might create an adverse reaction, especially in teens. Sometimes out of a rebellious stance, sometimes almost as a challenge to break those digital barriers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that parents shouldn’t implement them, I’m just wondering if the attempt to completely eradicate porn from the home could actually erode the trust between teens and parents instead of building it.

Do you have any insight into this? I believe philosophers like Zak Stein venture into it (in general, not specifically around porn), suggesting that the education and relationship-building you mention here are the fundamental pillars in preparing kids and teens for adult life—so they know that they’re safe and that we care about them—but then also giving them some degree of autonomy, so they feel we respect them as individuals and that we believe they can use the tools we entrusted to them.

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Chris McKenna's avatar

Hello, David, thank you for your honest sharing. I love your emphasis on agency, especially with older teens, and I agree 100%. I have another post written for a high school counselor who needed something to give students (boys and girls) at the school who were struggling with porn. So many were coming to her, and she didn't know what to tell them. Right now, it's a Google Doc. I wrote for her to share with them, but I intend to publish it on Substack soon. In it, I focus heavily on agency and empowering the teen to be the one who chooses to quit.

In my own lived experience, research, and having walked alongside hundreds of teens and adults, there are often 5 attributes of individuals who are successful in overcoming unwanted sexual behavior (including compulsive use of porn): purpose, faith, a deeply trusting friend, a crowd of supporters, and digital restrictions. And I put digital restrictions last for many of the reasons you point toward.

Glad you're here! Your story sounds very similar to mine. Even some spreadsheet tracking in there :)

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Abby's avatar

Love this! The first layer is truly so important for any child!

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Emily Mathews's avatar

I’ve been reading that Apple plans to significantly increase its parental controls with the release of its iOS update in September. Have you had a Chance to preview and test this update and what, if any, positives are there to the update?

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Chris McKenna's avatar

We have! Please look for our assessment soon. When we passed the Device Filtering bill in Utah and Alabama, it seems Apple "flinched" because they're not interested in complying with a state-by-state patchwork of default filter settings. WIN! The iOS 26 changes are good, but still lack improvements to the App Store, where we still suffer from inaccurate ratings, no accountability, and a lack of parental consent for terms of service. Apple is once again doing just enough to try and make us go away.

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Emily Mathews's avatar

I look forward to reading it and appreciate the forewarning. Thank you Alabama and Utah!

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dave's avatar

I remember the ON-tv OTA UHF tv scrambler when I was a kid. By tweaking the antenna just right, you could kinda get the X-rated channel at the end of the dial (it was actually a slider bar) to come in clear.

Kids today have it so easy

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Chris McKenna's avatar

The fuzzy Cinemax days.....

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Crimson's avatar

What a dark and horrible secret we’ve made all boys hide from their parents for twenty years. And we wonder why they’re fucked up now. Academics have been trying to convince us it’s harmless for decades too. Cathy Reisenwitz among others continues to repeat the lie that’s it’s resulted in “plummeting” rates of violence against women

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Dana Rubio's avatar

I'm not a parent or a caregiver, but I'm the oldest sibling and a new-grad psychologist who helped raise younger siblings. I'm almost 23 and my siblings are currently 9 and 10 years old. I read “The Anxious Generation” and I focused on educational psychology for teens and children to graduate because safe digital spaces interest me. Gaining this knowledge, I talked with my parents about the ways were can protect my siblings with the internet. We cannot yank them from technology, but instead teach them how it can be a tool, but it can be a dangerous place sometimes and that's where they need to speak to their parents or me. This article brought forward something I didn't think of—checking the router. I appreciate the article. It was very informative! I'll be talking to my parents soon about the layers presented.

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Chris McKenna's avatar

Hello, Dana! Thank you for this reflection. And for caring for your siblings! If you have any questions about how to apply the layers to your family's situation, please let us know through a social media DM (@protectyoungeyes) or by submitting a form on our website: https://www.protectyoungeyes.com/contact

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Maria Petrova's avatar

Super helpful. Thanks so much!

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Digital Hygiene Coach's avatar

Fantastic and precious Chris McKenna and PYE.

Practical , empowering and inspiring advice to reduce/contain the harm while carrying on, with courage and endurance, the Mother of all Battles: giving back to parents the right to make decisions about"exposure, interactions and experiences" (as it used to be) and to children the childhood they deserve (certainly porn-free).

I love it how you dismantled the Industry-implanted myth about :parental controls: by putting them at the top of the pyramid (least reliable).

-PYE does a great job to help and give tools to parents in the US and around the world GRATITUDExmillions <3

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Chris McKenna's avatar

You're welcome! I appreciate your kindness. Yes, as you know, app parental controls are often just smoke and mirrors. A minimum effort to make policy makers and persistent advocates "go away." All the best to you and your important work!

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ThatguyLP's avatar

Thank you for writing this insightful piece.

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Chris McKenna's avatar

You're welcome!

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Avi Chai's avatar

Most Men can surely relate with the Intro of Zach Rausch. There's such horrible culture on the World Wild Web...

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Crimson's avatar

Time to call out the media’s disgraceful whitewashing on this for two decades. Here’s typical giddy coverage from 2019.

https://www.bbc.com/news/business-48283409

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