I was a high school English teacher for 14 years, from 2009-2023. In 2021 I asked all 150ish of my students to respond to this writing prompt: "Evaluate your relationship with your phone."
I gave this assignment in 2022 as well. In two years, of the 200+ essay responses I read, not one was able to describe a remotely healthy relationship between a kid and his/her phone. I found that my students were thankful to have the space to discuss what has happened to them. This gave me the sense that others (including me, prior to 2021) were actually denying them this space.
There's something very dark and reality-denying about an entire culture that won't allow its children to say that the thing that is obviously hurting them is hurting them and has them feeling trapped. As I've come to realize that Gen Zers don't even really enjoy the thing they do all day every day it's made me so disappointed in my generation, in all of us adults. Millennials. As a generation we've been so sure that "everything will work out fine" because it did for us but these new kids don't want to hear that. They want and need SOLUTIONS.
We won't even ask them how they're REALLY doing so how could we begin to solve this problem for them?
I quit teaching because of phones in my school. I'm a nobody, I was just one teacher. I feel deep in my heart though that if every secondary English teacher in America gave that prompt - Evaluate your relationship with your phone - most of them would be blown away by the results. If my students were an indicator - and they are - then our teenagers are hurting deeply and nearly every one of them acknowledges being caught up in a "vicious cycle" through their phone. My female students' essays broke my heart and made me question everything.
I have two young daughters and I see that the work starts now. Last week I took their tablet away for good on similar logic to Rikki's - "No one ever regretted not giving a smartphone to a 13 year old." There is no possible way my wife and I could end up regretting taking our kids' tablet away. It can only hurt our family. This kind of logic can be applied to nearly every aspect of the phone/device economy we've trapped ourselves within.
Thankful for you, Rikki. We need STUDENT VOICES in this fight and the great majority of teachers are far more concerned with hot-button social issues than with the injustice which appears to be affecting every teenager for every minute of every day.
Thank you, Jack! So happy to hear this resonated. I'm noticing more and more people in my generation waking up to this reality -- especially as we transition into adulthood and have no authority figures to monitor our tech use. I'm hoping more will speak out.
It's hard. Phones are connection; if a kid doesn't have them, they're potentially missing out on things that all their peers are doing. (which isn't entirely bad...so much of social media is mindless time-wasting). More importantly, it's a connection to their parents. Which is generally a bad thing; parents expecting their kids call them, constantly allow themselves to be tracked, or even put spyware on to further ratchet down the pressure are hurting their kids. It's a weird sort of Red Queen phenomenon; everyone needs to be more and more connected, until we lose the separation that helps us stay sane.
Better would be only allow flip phones under 18 years of age. Let them text or call each other but no tiktok brick-bat algorithms via phones with vivid f**k-you-in-the-brain display screens.
I understand where you are coming from. But, all throughout history before phones or social media were even thought of, people made their own ways to connect to one another.
Also, it’s not so bad that a parent wants to make sure that their kids are safe. And I think family is important to check in with every once in awhile.
I don’t see how your point you are trying to make is valid. Connecting to people in different ways like writing letters, or actually visiting them, other than social media and cellphones was actually a completely normal thing to do.
Our generation has become lazy in a way that you don’t have to get off the couch to talk to your grandma.
My 17 year old told me “what you parents don’t understand is that nearly every person my age I know knows they’re addicted to their phone and hates it but doesn’t know how to stop.”
There you go, man. As things turned out, I often wound up delivering full on lectures and leading huge discussions on this topic, especially with my high school seniors. After a number of these talks I had kids come up to me to thank me for even raising the issue. This was often kids who never said a word in my class, just stared at their phones. They only picked their heads up when we started talking directly about the addiction they all wish they could kick. Your 17 year old is a cool kid.
HS science teacher here, and so sorry we lost you from the job, but I completely understand. After a year of research on Yondr phone bags and setting things up for a nice, slow pitch for district leaders to knock out of the park, I've been getting excuse after excuse (from ADULTS) on why taking phones away from kids during the day (a) wouldn't work, or (b) wouldn't be "safe." It's mostly they're scared of the parents, and the little political wannabees on the Board who see it as their launchpad to be another useless state legislator. Although I did have the district head of school safety say that he wouldn't feel right if he couldn't reach his daughter on her phone anytime during the day - so I'm extremely pessimistic this thing has any life left in it.
But in all of this, I started asking kids about phones, like you did, and yeah - it broke me too. I got a lot of kids saying they they knew that phones were bad for them, but used them anyway, and very wary of the idea of having them locked up during the day. A lot also hit around the typical addict phraseology - "I know they're a problem for other kids, but I'm okay with it..." That was a common reponse after I had them read the Surgeon General's Advistory on Social Media and Mental Health as a science literacy exercise.
I'm beyond worried - and I can't seem to get anyone else interested in the idea. And worse, I've got the sinking feeling as the last generation who didn't have phones in schools leaves the job in the years to come, who's going to pick up the fight for us?
In his excellent series on guns on Revisionist History, Malcolm Gladwell adapted a definition of sin by James Keenan to "Sin is the failure to bother to care." That about covers it when I try to talk to anyone above my level about this. The indifference from adults who claim to want what it best for students is breathtaking.
I still think we need to use the flip phones as replacement tech until they reach adulthood (18 years, or maybe even 21 when we trust them with alcohol - another addictive substance). The parents can be reassured that communication is possible but without subjecting developing brains to brick bat algorithms DESIGNED to addict them to doom scrolling.
Hi Matt - Man, I'm so anti-tech that I frequently have no clue whether someone has responded to something or commented on something. I'm sorry to be really late to acknowledge and respond to your comments. I'm really glad to hear from another teacher and especially one who seems to know my frustrations - Essentially, the madness of wondering whether you're the only one tuned into actual reality in a profession where tuning out reality is incredibly high stakes because we all only get one crack at childhood/adolescence. I feel for you and I especially feel your pessimism related to this issue especially. It's so easy to think to yourself, "If we've been denying this for 12 years, who's to say we won't wait at least another 12 before we pretend to do something about it?" I would say that is my ACTUAL attitude. The problem is I can't allow myself to fully adopt that attitude because I have my two young daughters. I'm not going to pass that attitude on to them and I'm also not going to sit back and let the world be shittier than it needs to because my former bosses and your current bosses are unwilling to address the unacknowledged elephant that's dominating nearly every room on earth at this point.
I think I may be onto something. I invite you to follow the process on my "Phone School" substack series. Maybe you're already subscribed. What you'll see there is that I'm actively working with a couple of schools to get them first of all to update the language in their electronics policies to reflect the actual dangers represented by smartphones in adolescents' hands. I've begun to wonder whether pressing schools and districts to change the language they use could trigger some or many or all of the changes we know need to occur.
It's one thing for a lone citizen or teacher even to demand a school or district completely overhaul its physical day to day practices. This is where you get all that dark cynicism you hear from other teachers especially. But if you can get your district/school to change the language of their policy it could end up "forcing" them to evolve their practices around the policy.
In any case I'll be describing this process as it plays out in two actual schools in central Iowa over the coming months so we'll see how it goes. Later this week or early next week I'll share quite a bit about my recent meeting with Hoover High School in particular. We'll see where this goes.
Thanks for reaching out and I apologize for taking forever to even know it.
Hi Mike - This is tricky due to liability and privacy concerns. I'd always intended to help get those student voices directly into the public but I had to leave the profession much sooner than I thought I would. What I will absolutely be doing soon is providing fairly detailed summaries of my "findings" through student writing. And moving forward I hope to both inspire other teachers to give this prompt or one like it...and as I now work at the college level I hope to find a way to use this prompt with college-age kids, whose problems are all the same as my high school kids. I've started a substack called "Phone School" and I'll be putting my work there. Thanks for the note and sorry for taking over a month to see it!
Curious about your experience with asking your kids about their phones (and honestly, asking your kids about anything...) - I've folded that into my practice a lot more (qurterly surveys on what I need to adjust/improve in class, feelsings on dress code, etc) and my findings are twofold: 1) the kids are wary, but embrace it, becuase they're teens and just want to be heard - and are often shocked than an adult is asking them what they think in a meaningful way, and 2) anyone outside the classroom looks at my survey results like they're alien artifacts - something so rare, and foreign that they don't really know what to make of them.
I've become the guy in meetings now that whenver I hear, "The kids need/want..." and it's something 180 degrees from what they've told me, I follow up with, "Yeah, but who did you ask?"
I didn't say I'm popular at meetings, but I'm asking.
This is one of the best comments I have read on this platform. It's a shame that students no longer have you. PS My highschool son has a troomi phone, which can only text and call, and google maps -- no MMS or images, or any other apps. And he's STILL on it a lot texting his friend. I can't imagine what it would be like with images or apps. I'm looking forward to reading your substack...
Whenever addictive and destructive neuro-chemical pathways are introduced to a society it takes generations for said society to learn how to adapt to these temptations.
China has learned the hard lesson of opiates at least twice, and I think that has some influence on their cultural (in)tolerance of those substances.
With the invention of distillation in the 18th century, 19th century America was drowning in hard liquor, 9 gallons per person annually of 80 proof. It took a century and the temperance movement (largely driven by women sick of their deadbeat husbands) to help us regulate to a point, but alcohol is still many’s greatest demon.
The same process must happen with screens. I’m pretty sure it won’t just be with screens though. All invasive technology will have to be rejected (on a personal and moral basis just like other substances which activate dopamine artificially). We must see that screens (and their connection to the internet) are like cigarettes for our soul, rotting us from the inside, making us less capable of interacting with the real world.
Until we recognize the destructive power of screens in our pockets connected to a corporate system designed to make us feel anxious, sick, unwell, self-conscious and afraid, so that we will buy more stuff to cover up the holes, we will be slaves to our addiction, just like every other addict.
This addiction hides in plain sight, sitting in front of all of our faces for far too long everyday.
Turn it off, walk outside, be with a friend. Sit in silence.
17-year English teacher here, and I have also told my student their phones are like cigarettes. Now my admin and many colleagues are pushing AI on us non-stop. They have said we need to become experts on AI to teach it to our students. I completely disagree, and this played a big part in convincing me to plan to retire this coming June. I think AI can become even more harmful than phones, at least in class.
I know this is off topic, but I have to know about that 9 gallons a year thing...that doesn't seem like a huge deal. That's like a couple of shots a day. Not gonna say that is healthy or anything, but I don't think it would cause social upheaval. Mind you, I understand it is an average.
I would refine the recommendation to delay in two ways. First, kids, even 10 and 11 year olds, are smart and can often understand a lot. Explain to them the reasoning behind preventing phones and social media, that it cause anxiety and depression and that you don't want that for them. Show them the data. Even if they don't accept it in the moment, they know you have a reason and can start fitting the issues they see with their peers into the narrative you just explained to them.
Second, it's not enough to do merely remove the bad thing in a society that has largely removed the good things that used to be there in its place. Parents that want their children to play and do things other than be on a phone need to provide opportunities for their kids to do that. Unsupervised play is great and important, but if you live in a suburb with no other kids within safe walking distance, what is your kid supposed to do? If the parents are always on a laptop or watching TV at home, how is the kid supposed to learn to do things other than that?
Born in ‘97, I 100% agree with this, though I’d add that American suburbs vary a lot in walkability. A lot of parents who currently either chauffeur their kids around or leave them stranded at home could be allowing their teens to walk or bike across town. My parents were contrarian in this regard and I would regularly walk 2-3 miles or more across my suburban hometown just to go hang out with friends. Long walks are a pretty powerful prescription for depression and anxiety.
I can understand hesitations about pedestrian safety in some truly car-infested hellscapes, but if the concern over walkability is just distance, I think parents need to encourage their kids to walk. Kids walking more certainly won’t make the problem worse.
Amen brother. If everyone lived in bustling, safe, walkable towns, "just go outside" might be able to effectively replicate the social aspects of online communication.
But that is not reality for many, many, people, and that's long before accounting for certain disadvantaged classes of people who rightfully don't feel safe in public.
“ My suggestion: delay. Wait until high school to give them a phone. (As Jon recommends, you can give them a flip phone before that.) Wait even longer to let them have an Instagram or TikTok account. The resentment is temporary. They’ll thank you later.”
1. Don’t delay, just say no! You don’t need a smartphone in high school, either, dumb phones are just fine
2. Regarding high school itself, why would you want to send your kid to be surrounded by these awful, screen-addicted, depressed teens you so aptly describe? Get em out of there! Find alternative schools, homeschool groups, anything with other like minded families who recognize the dangers of screens and the importance of real life, nature, etc.
I think your second point is really key. Just taking away a kid’s phone doesn’t help at all if all their friends and potential friends are glued to social media, it will just make them even more isolated. This really has to be a movement of like-minded people if it’s going to work at all.
Difficult though with ever rebellious teenagers. I remember in my teenage years in the 60s, I would almost rather have died than get my shoulder-length hair cut to my father's edict.
Could be more realistic perhaps in tandem with home-schooling. State education and the peer pressure alongside it is poisonous even without smartphones as well.
I wonder what percentage of us readers and commenters are doing so on phones. It is a difficult problem to say to young people, "Do as we say, not as we do."
My 3yo wants to drive my car. I don’t tell her do as I say, not as I do. I say driving is something grown ups do. It is a huge responsibility. You will learn a little bit at a time, and one day, when you’re ready, you’ll be a driver, too. Phones are not that different. Age gating is everywhere.
Except that screen addiction is a significant problem for older adults as well, even if the mental health damage is less severe. We can probably thank screen addiction for a large part of the rise of Trump and his cultic following.
Exactly. I feel like a previous generation had to drop the ball on community related activities. I know they’re still out there, but an example hasn’t been set. I have no idea where I’d go or what I’d do to be more active in my community. That and all my time is spent hustling to keep up with chores and making meals when I’m not working.
I'm 21, and I am reading this on my phone. However, I only got a smartphone at twenty, and I do most of my reading on my Kindle or in physical books. Additionally, I first subscribed to this substack after reading Jonathan Haidt's introductory essay in Persuasion. At the time, my internet access was limited to email and maps, and I did not yet own a laptop or smartphone.
I really wish these screen time debates would differentiate between consumption and creation.
Some of my best memories and achievements in life were yes, interacting with a screen with mouse, keyboard, and/or a headset.
I have made and maintained friendships through screens that would have been logistically impossible otherwise.
I've made a lucrative career; which supports my daughter and dog; interacting with screens.
We don't need any more surface-level demonization of technology. We need better alternatives than just moronic calls to "go outside" which do nothing other than make the parent feel morally superior.
Yes, get your kids to go outside, but also give them a keyboard and mouse/trackpad so they can do something with a screen other than mindlessly consume.
I have nothing but great memories playing zoo tycoon, creating little zines on Microsoft Word in 1999, joining internet forums to talk about the Chronicles of Narnia and bands I liked... all social activities, all interactive. I still love reading blogs. I don't get the weird icky feeling I do after I've scrolled Insta/Facebook for too long. I feel like there's a huge difference as you said between consumption and creation (of relationships, culture, art etc)
I strongly relate. Born in ‘96. Many of my peers also had scars on their wrists and even deeper ones on their minds. I will be delaying almost all screens with my children. I could have done with a few less in my middle school years but generous family members and parents unaware of the effects of endless screen time enacted little to no boundaries.
I don’t think screen time is what we should focus on - getting us in gen z to use our phones less is an uphill struggle.
What’s more interesting is this: why are some of gen z able to use the internet to improve their lives: to learn new skills better and faster, or to motivate themselves for a healthy lifestyle, while most use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and would be better off without it entirely?
Of course, everyone does a bit of both. But far more important is how much of each. If internet use is unavoidable for gen z, then we should be taught to use it well - how to make the most of the benefits, while avoiding the downsides.
If, as a parent, you’re young enough to use social media at least a bit, then start by asking yourself, ‘What do I want my kids learning about - what content do I want my kid watching? Who do I want them following?’ Then, just start watching it together. Set a good example of what the internet should be used for.
Holding out, then giving them their first phone in high school is like chucking them in the deep end for their first time at the pool.
Yes, they’re a bit older and more mature than they were. But they still don’t know how to swim.
“All the things that have traditionally made life worth living — love, community, country, faith, work, and family — have been “debunked.” “ Dissenting opinion here. They weren’t debunked, they collapsed because they were leached of meaning. I remember the same signs of dysfunction from the sixties--the lack of connection, the absence of purpose. That was why so many of us travelled to exotic destinations. It was a vision quest--we were looking for some kind of epiphany that would tell us what we were supposed to do with our lives. So you describe the problem quite well, but the lack of historical context leads you to construct a straw man labelled ‘smart phones,’ when in fact It’s the same phenomen that drove me and my peers in 1970, only now there is a whole industry that sees it as a growth opportunity. Watch any newsfeed or streaming service for a day, paying attention ONLY to the advertising, because that’s the money shot. What are they selling? Hedonistic pleasure, material accumulation, status, attention. What we are seeing is the terminal stage of decades of hyper-individualism. Smart phones are an indicator, not a cause.
None of what you say precludes the possibility that smart phones (really, social media, not the phones) can have a huge impact on mental health, as evidenced by the cited studies in this article.
CAN have an impact, not necessarily DO have an impact. I think you are correct, in suggesting that soclal media in the sense of social environment has an profound impact on mental health, but it always did. Cliques, gossip and status competition have utiliized smart phones, but they would exist without them.The commodification of all aspects of human identity was well underway before they came along, and like all industries, is always looking for new markets.
As an educator, I would love to hear from Millennials and Gen Z about the impact of open online gradebooks. It's a technology that proliferated alongside smartphones, and I have seen its negative effects on student mental health for various reasons, including how it has affected their relationships to parents, teachers, peers, and schools.
Yes! I have a high school student and I think the online grade book system creates a lot of stress for everyone. It actually convolutes communications. My teenager wants an IEP in part so that there is more time before assignments show up as missing and bring her grades down to dismal levels which result in automatic messages from teachers about failing grades. It is like being tethered to an invisible task master lashing wildly with a digital whip.
I teach college and refuse to use our online “learning management system” because the message of that particular medium is that education is transactional, soulless, and quantified in points. Grades are destructive enough to our confidence and creativity without having them 24-7 accessible for doomscrolling. But I am tenured and able to make this stand. My husband teaches college too and has to hew to policies or face not having his contract renewed. His students’ experiences could be improved if their teachers had more autonomy, but that autonomy is systematically repressed by the near universal adoption of “learning management systems” at universities, which make everyone’s lives harder while claiming to make your life easier when actually what we need is for it to go away so we can focus on learning and growing as human beings.
...what kind of helicopter parenting shit is that? Are parents that afraid of actually TALKING to their kids? It was bad enough growing up going to the same church as my teachers, and them gossiping about how their students were doing...I can't imagine having every bad test subject to scrutiny.
My kids are in this age bracket but they weren’t allowed phones until Grade 10. Even still not all is well. There’s no doubt screens are toxic but it’s not that simple to suggest this is why so many kids are struggling. They really all need to break loose and find their own path, struggle lots to find their self worth, and find activities in their community where they are able to help others. There’s lots to say here, it can’t all be chalked up to Tik Tok.
You mention a lot in there that I think it connected. Social media is just a delivery system. If you remove it but the kids are still treated with kid gloves and can never see their friends or their parents/teachers never make the kids have to deal with hardship or stress, I think they still will have issues because they develop no coping mechanisms.
Screens are incredibly toxic. I’m a late Gen X with kids in grade school and middle school and i find myself constantly shooing them away from screens. My middle schooler got a watch to communicate with friends, no phone, definitely no social media. And still it’s hard to get him to cultivate friendships.
PROFOUNDLY important insights, & exceptionally well written. Thanks!! Should we start with “Why?” Why the emptiness? Why the need for hope for a healthy soul (read Viktor Frankl)? Why do we only pay for evolution to be taught in our public schools (despite no eyewitnesses existing @ origin so it’s a faith-based discussion grounded on evidence) that necessarily results in a nihilistic, anarchical mindset/reality? Why can hope exist when we’re merely random beings heading to oblivion? Why isn’t despair reasonable? Why are we quick to kick God to the curb in the name of enlightenment despite being severely finite humans & the existence of empirical evidence for God from Jewish & Christian histories? Why aren’t we helping our kids know that their true identity is being uniquely & gloriously made in God’s image & loved by God? Why wouldn’t that reality fill them with hope & purpose? Why are we letting them drown in enlightenment’s nihilism where distractions from a phone simply numbs the soul’s pain without giving them a compelling alternative? Why?
Something that keeps nagging me, as a gen Zer, is trying to figure out whether I am an outlier in this theory or if there's still an alternative to the social media theory we're missing. I'm very convinced by all of the work done on this substack that social media is the problem and I would be wholley sold on the theory if I didn't have my own experience. I didn't have social media (aside from YouTube) until 16, yet I struggled with anxiety since kindergarten (before I had any real awareness of technology) and depression since age 12, which seemed to me unrelated to social media specifically, though I'm willing to grant the internet age played a part. I don't have a specific dissenting idea I'm just trying to figure out if I'm an outlier in a true theory or a signal of a broader gen z experience.
Social media is just a delivery method. If you live in or around a culture that is remind you constantly how supposedly screwed up everything is, you are still going to be impacted by it. You may also simply be more anxious by nature or any number of other factors.
My nephew is rather anxious and has been for a while. He didn't have a cell phone for much of that time. But he was constantly buffeted by the stress in his parents lives and I think he internalized a lot of it.
Clare, thanks for sharing. I am very sorry to hear about your longtime struggles with anxiety. That sounds really tough. It’s brave of you to speak up and point out what you say.
One thing to consider is that these authors are describing a change in trends, and that lots of individuals will have experiences that do not line up neatly with those trends. Especially when it comes to genetics and family-community environments, there is so much variation. Another thing to consider, trend-wise, is the first half of the diagnosis: the massive loss of a play-based childhood, which is mentioned only in passing here but which Haidt’s collaborator Peter Gray emphasizes and lays out in great detail. That work might resonate more for you.
I agree-- the lack of play-based childhood is an important and resonant aspect. As I said in the original post as well, my personal experience doesn't disprove or invalidate their theory, but I guess the data I would be interested in seeing is when do people self report first struggling with mental health (while hospitalizations are more reliable they would likely lag behind the first instances of mental illness) overlayed with with data about when gen z got their first social media account. That, in my mind, would bolster the trend that social media is effecting mental health rather than mental health influencing social media usage.
I think you bring up a good point. I suspect the problems are caused by multiple factors, with smart phones/social media, being one of the more important factors.
I think that, during the same period that phones have come to prominence, society has also been undergoing enormous social changes. Of course, this is likely a chicken and egg question: did the Internet cause the problems; or did it merely expedite the changes that were already afoot?
It would be interesting to have data from China. Apparently, inside China, the CCP strictly controls TikTok content for their youth - allowing only healthy lifestyle, exercise, and educational videos. They also limit young people’s screen time quite severely. Would the effects of Internet exposure be different if our youth did less of it, and were only exposed to more constructive content? I bet the difference would be day and night.
Or maybe it's easier in the CCP as there's only ONE CHILD to every SIX ADULTS! 🤔 Work it out, 2xparents (btw: in China, mothers are "female", you woke Westerners😉) & 4x grandparents.
My understanding is that screen time is limited by the government, not by the families. But your point about children having a lot more supervision and adult involvement in their lives is apt.
I was a high school English teacher for 14 years, from 2009-2023. In 2021 I asked all 150ish of my students to respond to this writing prompt: "Evaluate your relationship with your phone."
I gave this assignment in 2022 as well. In two years, of the 200+ essay responses I read, not one was able to describe a remotely healthy relationship between a kid and his/her phone. I found that my students were thankful to have the space to discuss what has happened to them. This gave me the sense that others (including me, prior to 2021) were actually denying them this space.
There's something very dark and reality-denying about an entire culture that won't allow its children to say that the thing that is obviously hurting them is hurting them and has them feeling trapped. As I've come to realize that Gen Zers don't even really enjoy the thing they do all day every day it's made me so disappointed in my generation, in all of us adults. Millennials. As a generation we've been so sure that "everything will work out fine" because it did for us but these new kids don't want to hear that. They want and need SOLUTIONS.
We won't even ask them how they're REALLY doing so how could we begin to solve this problem for them?
I quit teaching because of phones in my school. I'm a nobody, I was just one teacher. I feel deep in my heart though that if every secondary English teacher in America gave that prompt - Evaluate your relationship with your phone - most of them would be blown away by the results. If my students were an indicator - and they are - then our teenagers are hurting deeply and nearly every one of them acknowledges being caught up in a "vicious cycle" through their phone. My female students' essays broke my heart and made me question everything.
I have two young daughters and I see that the work starts now. Last week I took their tablet away for good on similar logic to Rikki's - "No one ever regretted not giving a smartphone to a 13 year old." There is no possible way my wife and I could end up regretting taking our kids' tablet away. It can only hurt our family. This kind of logic can be applied to nearly every aspect of the phone/device economy we've trapped ourselves within.
Thankful for you, Rikki. We need STUDENT VOICES in this fight and the great majority of teachers are far more concerned with hot-button social issues than with the injustice which appears to be affecting every teenager for every minute of every day.
Thank you, Jack! So happy to hear this resonated. I'm noticing more and more people in my generation waking up to this reality -- especially as we transition into adulthood and have no authority figures to monitor our tech use. I'm hoping more will speak out.
Your daughters will thank you one day :)
It's hard. Phones are connection; if a kid doesn't have them, they're potentially missing out on things that all their peers are doing. (which isn't entirely bad...so much of social media is mindless time-wasting). More importantly, it's a connection to their parents. Which is generally a bad thing; parents expecting their kids call them, constantly allow themselves to be tracked, or even put spyware on to further ratchet down the pressure are hurting their kids. It's a weird sort of Red Queen phenomenon; everyone needs to be more and more connected, until we lose the separation that helps us stay sane.
Better would be only allow flip phones under 18 years of age. Let them text or call each other but no tiktok brick-bat algorithms via phones with vivid f**k-you-in-the-brain display screens.
I understand where you are coming from. But, all throughout history before phones or social media were even thought of, people made their own ways to connect to one another.
Also, it’s not so bad that a parent wants to make sure that their kids are safe. And I think family is important to check in with every once in awhile.
I don’t see how your point you are trying to make is valid. Connecting to people in different ways like writing letters, or actually visiting them, other than social media and cellphones was actually a completely normal thing to do.
Our generation has become lazy in a way that you don’t have to get off the couch to talk to your grandma.
My 17 year old told me “what you parents don’t understand is that nearly every person my age I know knows they’re addicted to their phone and hates it but doesn’t know how to stop.”
There you go, man. As things turned out, I often wound up delivering full on lectures and leading huge discussions on this topic, especially with my high school seniors. After a number of these talks I had kids come up to me to thank me for even raising the issue. This was often kids who never said a word in my class, just stared at their phones. They only picked their heads up when we started talking directly about the addiction they all wish they could kick. Your 17 year old is a cool kid.
Hi Jack -
HS science teacher here, and so sorry we lost you from the job, but I completely understand. After a year of research on Yondr phone bags and setting things up for a nice, slow pitch for district leaders to knock out of the park, I've been getting excuse after excuse (from ADULTS) on why taking phones away from kids during the day (a) wouldn't work, or (b) wouldn't be "safe." It's mostly they're scared of the parents, and the little political wannabees on the Board who see it as their launchpad to be another useless state legislator. Although I did have the district head of school safety say that he wouldn't feel right if he couldn't reach his daughter on her phone anytime during the day - so I'm extremely pessimistic this thing has any life left in it.
But in all of this, I started asking kids about phones, like you did, and yeah - it broke me too. I got a lot of kids saying they they knew that phones were bad for them, but used them anyway, and very wary of the idea of having them locked up during the day. A lot also hit around the typical addict phraseology - "I know they're a problem for other kids, but I'm okay with it..." That was a common reponse after I had them read the Surgeon General's Advistory on Social Media and Mental Health as a science literacy exercise.
I'm beyond worried - and I can't seem to get anyone else interested in the idea. And worse, I've got the sinking feeling as the last generation who didn't have phones in schools leaves the job in the years to come, who's going to pick up the fight for us?
In his excellent series on guns on Revisionist History, Malcolm Gladwell adapted a definition of sin by James Keenan to "Sin is the failure to bother to care." That about covers it when I try to talk to anyone above my level about this. The indifference from adults who claim to want what it best for students is breathtaking.
I still think we need to use the flip phones as replacement tech until they reach adulthood (18 years, or maybe even 21 when we trust them with alcohol - another addictive substance). The parents can be reassured that communication is possible but without subjecting developing brains to brick bat algorithms DESIGNED to addict them to doom scrolling.
Good luck in your battles.
Hi Matt - Man, I'm so anti-tech that I frequently have no clue whether someone has responded to something or commented on something. I'm sorry to be really late to acknowledge and respond to your comments. I'm really glad to hear from another teacher and especially one who seems to know my frustrations - Essentially, the madness of wondering whether you're the only one tuned into actual reality in a profession where tuning out reality is incredibly high stakes because we all only get one crack at childhood/adolescence. I feel for you and I especially feel your pessimism related to this issue especially. It's so easy to think to yourself, "If we've been denying this for 12 years, who's to say we won't wait at least another 12 before we pretend to do something about it?" I would say that is my ACTUAL attitude. The problem is I can't allow myself to fully adopt that attitude because I have my two young daughters. I'm not going to pass that attitude on to them and I'm also not going to sit back and let the world be shittier than it needs to because my former bosses and your current bosses are unwilling to address the unacknowledged elephant that's dominating nearly every room on earth at this point.
I think I may be onto something. I invite you to follow the process on my "Phone School" substack series. Maybe you're already subscribed. What you'll see there is that I'm actively working with a couple of schools to get them first of all to update the language in their electronics policies to reflect the actual dangers represented by smartphones in adolescents' hands. I've begun to wonder whether pressing schools and districts to change the language they use could trigger some or many or all of the changes we know need to occur.
It's one thing for a lone citizen or teacher even to demand a school or district completely overhaul its physical day to day practices. This is where you get all that dark cynicism you hear from other teachers especially. But if you can get your district/school to change the language of their policy it could end up "forcing" them to evolve their practices around the policy.
In any case I'll be describing this process as it plays out in two actual schools in central Iowa over the coming months so we'll see how it goes. Later this week or early next week I'll share quite a bit about my recent meeting with Hoover High School in particular. We'll see where this goes.
Thanks for reaching out and I apologize for taking forever to even know it.
Hi Jack.
Thanks for the information.
It occurs to me that some collection / work based on the replies that you, and others, have got to your questions would have value.
Have you thought of presenting that sort of thing on your substack or elsewhere?
Hi Mike - This is tricky due to liability and privacy concerns. I'd always intended to help get those student voices directly into the public but I had to leave the profession much sooner than I thought I would. What I will absolutely be doing soon is providing fairly detailed summaries of my "findings" through student writing. And moving forward I hope to both inspire other teachers to give this prompt or one like it...and as I now work at the college level I hope to find a way to use this prompt with college-age kids, whose problems are all the same as my high school kids. I've started a substack called "Phone School" and I'll be putting my work there. Thanks for the note and sorry for taking over a month to see it!
Curious about your experience with asking your kids about their phones (and honestly, asking your kids about anything...) - I've folded that into my practice a lot more (qurterly surveys on what I need to adjust/improve in class, feelsings on dress code, etc) and my findings are twofold: 1) the kids are wary, but embrace it, becuase they're teens and just want to be heard - and are often shocked than an adult is asking them what they think in a meaningful way, and 2) anyone outside the classroom looks at my survey results like they're alien artifacts - something so rare, and foreign that they don't really know what to make of them.
I've become the guy in meetings now that whenver I hear, "The kids need/want..." and it's something 180 degrees from what they've told me, I follow up with, "Yeah, but who did you ask?"
I didn't say I'm popular at meetings, but I'm asking.
This is one of the best comments I have read on this platform. It's a shame that students no longer have you. PS My highschool son has a troomi phone, which can only text and call, and google maps -- no MMS or images, or any other apps. And he's STILL on it a lot texting his friend. I can't imagine what it would be like with images or apps. I'm looking forward to reading your substack...
Millennial here, born in ‘89.
Whenever addictive and destructive neuro-chemical pathways are introduced to a society it takes generations for said society to learn how to adapt to these temptations.
China has learned the hard lesson of opiates at least twice, and I think that has some influence on their cultural (in)tolerance of those substances.
With the invention of distillation in the 18th century, 19th century America was drowning in hard liquor, 9 gallons per person annually of 80 proof. It took a century and the temperance movement (largely driven by women sick of their deadbeat husbands) to help us regulate to a point, but alcohol is still many’s greatest demon.
The same process must happen with screens. I’m pretty sure it won’t just be with screens though. All invasive technology will have to be rejected (on a personal and moral basis just like other substances which activate dopamine artificially). We must see that screens (and their connection to the internet) are like cigarettes for our soul, rotting us from the inside, making us less capable of interacting with the real world.
Until we recognize the destructive power of screens in our pockets connected to a corporate system designed to make us feel anxious, sick, unwell, self-conscious and afraid, so that we will buy more stuff to cover up the holes, we will be slaves to our addiction, just like every other addict.
This addiction hides in plain sight, sitting in front of all of our faces for far too long everyday.
Turn it off, walk outside, be with a friend. Sit in silence.
Be well!
17-year English teacher here, and I have also told my student their phones are like cigarettes. Now my admin and many colleagues are pushing AI on us non-stop. They have said we need to become experts on AI to teach it to our students. I completely disagree, and this played a big part in convincing me to plan to retire this coming June. I think AI can become even more harmful than phones, at least in class.
As a modern Buddha might say, "existence is doomscrolling."
No. Read some Buddhism, good stuff.
I know this is off topic, but I have to know about that 9 gallons a year thing...that doesn't seem like a huge deal. That's like a couple of shots a day. Not gonna say that is healthy or anything, but I don't think it would cause social upheaval. Mind you, I understand it is an average.
Elder Zoomer, born '98.
I would refine the recommendation to delay in two ways. First, kids, even 10 and 11 year olds, are smart and can often understand a lot. Explain to them the reasoning behind preventing phones and social media, that it cause anxiety and depression and that you don't want that for them. Show them the data. Even if they don't accept it in the moment, they know you have a reason and can start fitting the issues they see with their peers into the narrative you just explained to them.
Second, it's not enough to do merely remove the bad thing in a society that has largely removed the good things that used to be there in its place. Parents that want their children to play and do things other than be on a phone need to provide opportunities for their kids to do that. Unsupervised play is great and important, but if you live in a suburb with no other kids within safe walking distance, what is your kid supposed to do? If the parents are always on a laptop or watching TV at home, how is the kid supposed to learn to do things other than that?
Born in ‘97, I 100% agree with this, though I’d add that American suburbs vary a lot in walkability. A lot of parents who currently either chauffeur their kids around or leave them stranded at home could be allowing their teens to walk or bike across town. My parents were contrarian in this regard and I would regularly walk 2-3 miles or more across my suburban hometown just to go hang out with friends. Long walks are a pretty powerful prescription for depression and anxiety.
I can understand hesitations about pedestrian safety in some truly car-infested hellscapes, but if the concern over walkability is just distance, I think parents need to encourage their kids to walk. Kids walking more certainly won’t make the problem worse.
Amen brother. If everyone lived in bustling, safe, walkable towns, "just go outside" might be able to effectively replicate the social aspects of online communication.
But that is not reality for many, many, people, and that's long before accounting for certain disadvantaged classes of people who rightfully don't feel safe in public.
No 10 or 11 year old will accept not to have something "all" of their friends have. That doesn't mean you need to give it to them of course.
Completely agree. Thankfully there is data today that did not exist when you or I were plugging in as tweens
Great perspective, thank you!
My dissenting opinion regarding this:
“ My suggestion: delay. Wait until high school to give them a phone. (As Jon recommends, you can give them a flip phone before that.) Wait even longer to let them have an Instagram or TikTok account. The resentment is temporary. They’ll thank you later.”
1. Don’t delay, just say no! You don’t need a smartphone in high school, either, dumb phones are just fine
2. Regarding high school itself, why would you want to send your kid to be surrounded by these awful, screen-addicted, depressed teens you so aptly describe? Get em out of there! Find alternative schools, homeschool groups, anything with other like minded families who recognize the dangers of screens and the importance of real life, nature, etc.
One good lead to start the unmachining:
https://schooloftheunconformed.substack.com/p/the-3rs-of-unmachining-guideposts
But there are many others! Don’t give up hope : )
I think your second point is really key. Just taking away a kid’s phone doesn’t help at all if all their friends and potential friends are glued to social media, it will just make them even more isolated. This really has to be a movement of like-minded people if it’s going to work at all.
Don't delay - get rid of these energy-suckers completely! Life improves drastically without a cell phone.
Difficult though with ever rebellious teenagers. I remember in my teenage years in the 60s, I would almost rather have died than get my shoulder-length hair cut to my father's edict.
Could be more realistic perhaps in tandem with home-schooling. State education and the peer pressure alongside it is poisonous even without smartphones as well.
I wonder what percentage of us readers and commenters are doing so on phones. It is a difficult problem to say to young people, "Do as we say, not as we do."
My 3yo wants to drive my car. I don’t tell her do as I say, not as I do. I say driving is something grown ups do. It is a huge responsibility. You will learn a little bit at a time, and one day, when you’re ready, you’ll be a driver, too. Phones are not that different. Age gating is everywhere.
Except that screen addiction is a significant problem for older adults as well, even if the mental health damage is less severe. We can probably thank screen addiction for a large part of the rise of Trump and his cultic following.
Exactly. I feel like a previous generation had to drop the ball on community related activities. I know they’re still out there, but an example hasn’t been set. I have no idea where I’d go or what I’d do to be more active in my community. That and all my time is spent hustling to keep up with chores and making meals when I’m not working.
I'm 21, and I am reading this on my phone. However, I only got a smartphone at twenty, and I do most of my reading on my Kindle or in physical books. Additionally, I first subscribed to this substack after reading Jonathan Haidt's introductory essay in Persuasion. At the time, my internet access was limited to email and maps, and I did not yet own a laptop or smartphone.
I really wish these screen time debates would differentiate between consumption and creation.
Some of my best memories and achievements in life were yes, interacting with a screen with mouse, keyboard, and/or a headset.
I have made and maintained friendships through screens that would have been logistically impossible otherwise.
I've made a lucrative career; which supports my daughter and dog; interacting with screens.
We don't need any more surface-level demonization of technology. We need better alternatives than just moronic calls to "go outside" which do nothing other than make the parent feel morally superior.
Yes, get your kids to go outside, but also give them a keyboard and mouse/trackpad so they can do something with a screen other than mindlessly consume.
I have nothing but great memories playing zoo tycoon, creating little zines on Microsoft Word in 1999, joining internet forums to talk about the Chronicles of Narnia and bands I liked... all social activities, all interactive. I still love reading blogs. I don't get the weird icky feeling I do after I've scrolled Insta/Facebook for too long. I feel like there's a huge difference as you said between consumption and creation (of relationships, culture, art etc)
Wonder if there are any 286s still out there for sale lol
Perhaps it is too late for the Zoomers but for the Polars, stop being a friend, be a parent who is unafraid to say-and to mean-NO!
My biggest hope is that my generation's struggles help inspire solutions going forward
I strongly relate. Born in ‘96. Many of my peers also had scars on their wrists and even deeper ones on their minds. I will be delaying almost all screens with my children. I could have done with a few less in my middle school years but generous family members and parents unaware of the effects of endless screen time enacted little to no boundaries.
Thanks so much for sharing your story Rachel - it inspires others to do the same!
Great piece! It was a honor to get to write a book with Rikki and with Haidt. Nice to see both of my co-authors in the same post!
I don’t think screen time is what we should focus on - getting us in gen z to use our phones less is an uphill struggle.
What’s more interesting is this: why are some of gen z able to use the internet to improve their lives: to learn new skills better and faster, or to motivate themselves for a healthy lifestyle, while most use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and would be better off without it entirely?
Of course, everyone does a bit of both. But far more important is how much of each. If internet use is unavoidable for gen z, then we should be taught to use it well - how to make the most of the benefits, while avoiding the downsides.
If, as a parent, you’re young enough to use social media at least a bit, then start by asking yourself, ‘What do I want my kids learning about - what content do I want my kid watching? Who do I want them following?’ Then, just start watching it together. Set a good example of what the internet should be used for.
Holding out, then giving them their first phone in high school is like chucking them in the deep end for their first time at the pool.
Yes, they’re a bit older and more mature than they were. But they still don’t know how to swim.
“All the things that have traditionally made life worth living — love, community, country, faith, work, and family — have been “debunked.” “ Dissenting opinion here. They weren’t debunked, they collapsed because they were leached of meaning. I remember the same signs of dysfunction from the sixties--the lack of connection, the absence of purpose. That was why so many of us travelled to exotic destinations. It was a vision quest--we were looking for some kind of epiphany that would tell us what we were supposed to do with our lives. So you describe the problem quite well, but the lack of historical context leads you to construct a straw man labelled ‘smart phones,’ when in fact It’s the same phenomen that drove me and my peers in 1970, only now there is a whole industry that sees it as a growth opportunity. Watch any newsfeed or streaming service for a day, paying attention ONLY to the advertising, because that’s the money shot. What are they selling? Hedonistic pleasure, material accumulation, status, attention. What we are seeing is the terminal stage of decades of hyper-individualism. Smart phones are an indicator, not a cause.
"What we are seeing is the terminal stage of decades of hyper-individualism"
Bingo
None of what you say precludes the possibility that smart phones (really, social media, not the phones) can have a huge impact on mental health, as evidenced by the cited studies in this article.
CAN have an impact, not necessarily DO have an impact. I think you are correct, in suggesting that soclal media in the sense of social environment has an profound impact on mental health, but it always did. Cliques, gossip and status competition have utiliized smart phones, but they would exist without them.The commodification of all aspects of human identity was well underway before they came along, and like all industries, is always looking for new markets.
As an educator, I would love to hear from Millennials and Gen Z about the impact of open online gradebooks. It's a technology that proliferated alongside smartphones, and I have seen its negative effects on student mental health for various reasons, including how it has affected their relationships to parents, teachers, peers, and schools.
Wow this wasn't even a thing when I was in school!
I can't remember when my former school began using them, but they It started to become more common in the early teens. They are now ubiquitous.
Yes! I have a high school student and I think the online grade book system creates a lot of stress for everyone. It actually convolutes communications. My teenager wants an IEP in part so that there is more time before assignments show up as missing and bring her grades down to dismal levels which result in automatic messages from teachers about failing grades. It is like being tethered to an invisible task master lashing wildly with a digital whip.
I teach college and refuse to use our online “learning management system” because the message of that particular medium is that education is transactional, soulless, and quantified in points. Grades are destructive enough to our confidence and creativity without having them 24-7 accessible for doomscrolling. But I am tenured and able to make this stand. My husband teaches college too and has to hew to policies or face not having his contract renewed. His students’ experiences could be improved if their teachers had more autonomy, but that autonomy is systematically repressed by the near universal adoption of “learning management systems” at universities, which make everyone’s lives harder while claiming to make your life easier when actually what we need is for it to go away so we can focus on learning and growing as human beings.
It’s terrible. My kids hated them.
What is that?
https://www.theatlantic.com/education/archive/2016/03/how-online-gradebooks-are-changing-education/473175/
...what kind of helicopter parenting shit is that? Are parents that afraid of actually TALKING to their kids? It was bad enough growing up going to the same church as my teachers, and them gossiping about how their students were doing...I can't imagine having every bad test subject to scrutiny.
My kids are in this age bracket but they weren’t allowed phones until Grade 10. Even still not all is well. There’s no doubt screens are toxic but it’s not that simple to suggest this is why so many kids are struggling. They really all need to break loose and find their own path, struggle lots to find their self worth, and find activities in their community where they are able to help others. There’s lots to say here, it can’t all be chalked up to Tik Tok.
You mention a lot in there that I think it connected. Social media is just a delivery system. If you remove it but the kids are still treated with kid gloves and can never see their friends or their parents/teachers never make the kids have to deal with hardship or stress, I think they still will have issues because they develop no coping mechanisms.
Screens are incredibly toxic. I’m a late Gen X with kids in grade school and middle school and i find myself constantly shooing them away from screens. My middle schooler got a watch to communicate with friends, no phone, definitely no social media. And still it’s hard to get him to cultivate friendships.
excessive dopamine via blue light leads to neurodegeneration.
PROFOUNDLY important insights, & exceptionally well written. Thanks!! Should we start with “Why?” Why the emptiness? Why the need for hope for a healthy soul (read Viktor Frankl)? Why do we only pay for evolution to be taught in our public schools (despite no eyewitnesses existing @ origin so it’s a faith-based discussion grounded on evidence) that necessarily results in a nihilistic, anarchical mindset/reality? Why can hope exist when we’re merely random beings heading to oblivion? Why isn’t despair reasonable? Why are we quick to kick God to the curb in the name of enlightenment despite being severely finite humans & the existence of empirical evidence for God from Jewish & Christian histories? Why aren’t we helping our kids know that their true identity is being uniquely & gloriously made in God’s image & loved by God? Why wouldn’t that reality fill them with hope & purpose? Why are we letting them drown in enlightenment’s nihilism where distractions from a phone simply numbs the soul’s pain without giving them a compelling alternative? Why?
Something that keeps nagging me, as a gen Zer, is trying to figure out whether I am an outlier in this theory or if there's still an alternative to the social media theory we're missing. I'm very convinced by all of the work done on this substack that social media is the problem and I would be wholley sold on the theory if I didn't have my own experience. I didn't have social media (aside from YouTube) until 16, yet I struggled with anxiety since kindergarten (before I had any real awareness of technology) and depression since age 12, which seemed to me unrelated to social media specifically, though I'm willing to grant the internet age played a part. I don't have a specific dissenting idea I'm just trying to figure out if I'm an outlier in a true theory or a signal of a broader gen z experience.
Social media is just a delivery method. If you live in or around a culture that is remind you constantly how supposedly screwed up everything is, you are still going to be impacted by it. You may also simply be more anxious by nature or any number of other factors.
My nephew is rather anxious and has been for a while. He didn't have a cell phone for much of that time. But he was constantly buffeted by the stress in his parents lives and I think he internalized a lot of it.
Clare, thanks for sharing. I am very sorry to hear about your longtime struggles with anxiety. That sounds really tough. It’s brave of you to speak up and point out what you say.
One thing to consider is that these authors are describing a change in trends, and that lots of individuals will have experiences that do not line up neatly with those trends. Especially when it comes to genetics and family-community environments, there is so much variation. Another thing to consider, trend-wise, is the first half of the diagnosis: the massive loss of a play-based childhood, which is mentioned only in passing here but which Haidt’s collaborator Peter Gray emphasizes and lays out in great detail. That work might resonate more for you.
I agree-- the lack of play-based childhood is an important and resonant aspect. As I said in the original post as well, my personal experience doesn't disprove or invalidate their theory, but I guess the data I would be interested in seeing is when do people self report first struggling with mental health (while hospitalizations are more reliable they would likely lag behind the first instances of mental illness) overlayed with with data about when gen z got their first social media account. That, in my mind, would bolster the trend that social media is effecting mental health rather than mental health influencing social media usage.
I think you bring up a good point. I suspect the problems are caused by multiple factors, with smart phones/social media, being one of the more important factors.
I think that, during the same period that phones have come to prominence, society has also been undergoing enormous social changes. Of course, this is likely a chicken and egg question: did the Internet cause the problems; or did it merely expedite the changes that were already afoot?
It would be interesting to have data from China. Apparently, inside China, the CCP strictly controls TikTok content for their youth - allowing only healthy lifestyle, exercise, and educational videos. They also limit young people’s screen time quite severely. Would the effects of Internet exposure be different if our youth did less of it, and were only exposed to more constructive content? I bet the difference would be day and night.
Or maybe it's easier in the CCP as there's only ONE CHILD to every SIX ADULTS! 🤔 Work it out, 2xparents (btw: in China, mothers are "female", you woke Westerners😉) & 4x grandparents.
My understanding is that screen time is limited by the government, not by the families. But your point about children having a lot more supervision and adult involvement in their lives is apt.