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Titus Pomponius Alabamus's avatar

I’ve said it many times, and I’ll say it again. Deleting Snapchat was the best thing I did in college. This first step made it so much easier to reduce the anxiety around Instagram, iMessages, and group chats. Now I’m basically to the point where I don’t respond to texts unless something elementary can be expressed like, “What time are you going to be here?” Response: “4.” All my friends know if they want me, to call me. I actually return missed calls. Calls are so much better. You can knock out in 30 seconds what could possibly take half a day to communicate via text. And what’s the worst, the business that needs to be settled could’ve been done quickly over the phone would now linger in the back of your mind for the half day the text conversation is going on. Calls also allow for communicating things through tone of voice, jokes, and random quick conversational excursions like checking in on how a friend’s job interview went or how a relative’s surgery went.

There’s a reason why when you read little bits about the day in the life of various historical figures that they dedicated a part of each day or week to reading and writing correspondence. People were actually doing things and weren’t writing letters all day. Being “available” all the time is essentially the modern equivalent to writing letters all day. Put in that frame, it’s crazy that we do this.

Now one of my favorite Saturday morning activities is to wake up, leave the phone where it be, go out for coffee, walk my dog, maybe go to the farmers market, and be pleasantly surprised when I get back home to a phone full of texts. I don’t feel guilt because I was actually out doing things-- running into strangers and friends, reading, thinking, eating a damn good lemon bar. Then off to the races calling people back and setting up plans to get schwifty on Yellowhammers with the fellas at Avondale or setting a time to meet someone to hike or shoot or watch football or setting up dinner plans.

I write comments like this at times to communicate to others, maybe my age of Gen Z or younger, how wonderful this mundane little big world is. You’ve just got to try to pay attention to it. But that’s really hard to do if your attention is constantly wholly absorbed by this little black box no bigger than your hand. Everything is competing for your attention, but it’s yours to give. Don’t waste your attention, your life frankly, on tawdry imitations that flutter over a pane of glass.

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Dominick Baruffi's avatar

As someone who regularly gets flak from friends for being a “bad texter,” I feel very seen here 😂

The decline of “third places” have resulted in our phones becoming that third space. I can have an entirely different life on my phone from my work or my home if I chose. For some, that’s a feature of modern life. I’m increasingly convinced it’s a bug.

I agree that we should not always be available. The “Part 2” to this essay I would love to read is what does being planted in the modern world look like functionally, particularly when we’re surrounded by people who actively oppose being rooted themselves?

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