Kids emulate adults, not just other kids. If in-person culture is mostly dead in the US, they will emulate the adults being online. We need to reboot our culture, so adults have reasons to be together in person, not just in churches and workplaces. Discussion/reading groups, folk dances, music jams, festivals, presentations by people about topics they are passionate about, and other civic clubs for example. Maybe even good old fashioned economic interdependence, where people make and do stuff for each other around them, instead of getting it and giving it to abstract and far away institutions. If the only glue we have is our children and believing absurd dogmas (which is what costly signaling requires), then online zombie culture will always win.
Thank you so much for your continued effort to inform parents. It's often the kids that get the blame, but it's not their fault they're being bubble wrapped. Risky Play = Resiliency.
"Children who were raised on screens need more freedom out in the real world."
That is the key. Let children have more autonomy, within reason. That was the case when I was growing up. There were very few problems with kids getting into trouble.
were kids with disabilities asked what they use phones for and if they are being kept from such use? Were they asked about fears of play, of bullying, of being with other kids? Were they asked what they would like for their lives? Were they asked what they believe should be done generally regarding this topic in terms of accessibility and disability?
Kids with disabilities were not coddled like they are now, but they were placed in special classes if there was a need. Parents looked after special needs children.
Don't forget to mention that we need better infrastructure. We need to design family centered, walkable neighborhoods that kids are safe to play in and get around independently.
Kids don't go outside because there's no where to go and no way to get there. We are so car dependent and that is what I believe mostly contributes to the loneliness epidemic and isolation among non-driving kids and teens.
I am so so passionate about this and my goal this semester is to publish a big research paper on my Substack, and later use it for lobbying in my North-Atlanta suburban county. It's going to be called something like "how car centric design contributes to the loneliness epidemic among youth and general health crisis in America"
I'm going to have a section about the loneliness epidemic, another one about the health crisis, and another about child development in suburban America compared to walkable European countries.
Speaking of walkable European countries, I just went to Italy for 22 days, Corsica for 2 days, and the car free town of Zermatt, Switzerland, for 2 days. On this trip I interviewed at least 25 different kids from different places in Italy, and I've already published the Zermatt interviews.
I would really appreciate if you took a look at that. It's on my Substack and my YouTube channel. I also posted a video on my Substack of myself kicking around a soccer ball with some boys on an open street in Italy.
I plan to interview more kids in my suburban hometown so people can watch and compare the interviews. The interviews from Zermatt might be helpful to your research and persuasive writing. There's an emphasis on independence there, and at one point a girl in the interview told me "you will see like no kids walking around with their parents".
you were very privileged to be able to ride your bike everywhere. However, most new suburban development only accommodates for cars, and there are few bike lanes and sidewalks.
We can't just "get our kids out of the house" because they have no way to get around anywhere meaningful independently. And since most friend groups are spread throughout different neighborhoods and even schools, kids can't just meet up with their friends by walking to the house down the road.
We didn’t need bike lanes. I am not sure I even knew of such a thing as a kid. We just got on our bike, got on the side of the road and drove wherever we wanted. We were expected to be home by dinner time. I would ride 5 miles or so to the mall, or even further to the abandoned gravel pits.
We don’t need infrastructure. Full stop.
We need parents to let their kids out the door on a daily basis. They will find friends in the neighborhood and organize ball games, or build forts, or build skateboard ramps, or play with dolls. That is what kids do.
I don't know where my comment went cause I can't find it, but basically what I said was:
We need bike lanes now. Cars go 40-50 miles an hour on the roads and few adults dare to bike on them let alone a parent wanting to let out their 9 year old. If the kid tips over on his bike, he's on the road and gets run over by a distracted driver. It's simply unrealistic to tell parents to "just let their kids out" without considering the unfriendly and car centric infrastructure.
yes! I think we have hope because the next generation of parents are millennials and I don't think they are going to give up their social lives as easily as gen xers did
Great article!! I remember letting my boys play outside when I made dinner(about 15 years ago) - and all the other parents hovered as their kids played outside their houses, in their front yards. I felt like a bad parent at the time - but I couldn't stand the constant hovering and I had to get dinner on the table after work. Man, I wish I would have had this intel back then so I could stop feeling guilty.
I will say my boys are comfortable making decisions and thinking through things, and cautious(sometimes) and I love hearing their stories of risks they take.
School age kids may want free unstructured time with their friends, but teens seem to want time with their phones...with their friends. These are the kids that are already addicted and have difficulty living life without a phone in their hand. I see them in schools, in town, and in my own home, hanging out side by side and silent, lost in their screens, and communicating via their screens -- through privately messaging each other or relating to one another over what's happening on their phones. Even when involved in other activities, they cannot go more than a few minutes without checking their phones. I see this at the movies, during sports practices and even games and tournaments. I see it at Sweet 16s and inside car windows as these new drivers stop at red lights and on sidewalks and parking lots, checking and staring, staring and checking. Teens are the true addicts here, and the ones that confound therapists while researchers ignore them, as though it's an uphill battle not worth the fight. We can save the kids. Can we save the teens?
Yes, our generation (X) got much more free play time with friends and in the neighborhoods where we grew up. Unfortunately, those of us who’d LIKE to give our kids more ‘free roam’ time and opp’ties are not given cultural or legal permission to do so; it is widespread frowned upon, stigmatized, culturally/ socially prohibited…
my dad had a saying I heard all my life and which I fervently believe: the risk of something happening to you may be low but, if it happens to you, it is 100%.
We are dealing with a contemporary expression of Marshall McLuhan's The Medium is the Message perspective. The medium is not the content, but the phone itself. However, this question extends beyond the phone to the very nature of education today. There again, not primarily the content of education, but the structure (medium) of education. To address these issues in a comprehensive manner would mean we restructure society altogether. The original purpose of public education was to support the growing industrialization of society. That age has changed from the assembly line to individual initiative, designed into every job. I have been an advocate for a long time of teaching kids in the primary grades entrepreneurial skills. What better way to teach independent learning and personal initiative? In 2017, I spoke to a group of students at a business high school in Vienna, Austria. They were starting businesses as part of their curriculum. They were so far beyond my simple little website and weblog. Time for change is here.
This is probably the most important information and change needed for kids today. I hope this is shared far and wide, and that parents with kids act, right away, opening their front doors all down the street.
We could start by having designated days/times when we close neighborhood streets from cars, for outdoor play, so that parents start feeling comfortable enough.
Eventually that won’t be necessary, as it’s a muscle that just needs to become exercised again.
Pretty depressing. But then, I'm 72, grew up in a small Ohio town called Westerville (it's not so small now!), and had the run of the place, in town and the surrounding farms, a new housing development, and even a swamp. I walked to school every year but jr. high. I recommend a Japanese show you can still see on Netflix called, "Old Enough," where 3 & 4 year olds are sent alone fairly far from home to run an errand for their parents. It shows how comfortable kids even that age can be. They solve their own problems, navigate strange places with appropriate directions, and accomplish tasks that would challenge a high school kid in our time and place. Whatever happened to the pioneer spirit, anyway? We infantalize our young to their long-lasting detriment.
"As I said, my childhood was not one of luxury, but we had fun in a way that I think today’s children would have a hard time understanding. There were always a lot of kids around. Naturally, both the custodian and the grownups got fed up with us, because it could be thirty kids playing rounders (brännboll) or something like that on the courtyard." (The Swedish painter Harald Sandberg talking about his childhood in the 1920s.) Follow the link to read more.
I posted my last comment because I was a totally blind public school student and I was definitely not coddled. I tried making friends and I broke down, not being able to handle any conflict, having what I now know were autism spectrum disorder symptoms, so the friendships had to be ended by our moms. Extreme bullying was dangerous when I was taken to the top bleacher and left there during recess daily for weeks. Due to extreme fear and anxiety, it took weeks for me to be able to use playground equipment even in a gingerly fashion. I was not protected from any of this and, in fact, my mom was dismissive of everything. I never felt satisfaction, joy or mastery regarding any kind of playground activity and my general distrust of the world and of people increased. Prematurity often has the mental health consequences mentioned above and much risk aversion. The non family-centric and "bootstraps" mentality of today saddens me. I wish I had had the iPhone I now have, with built-in screen reader software and not only with the choice of mainstream apps but specialized ones also and AI is only increasing the wonders of access for people with all kinds of disabilities, including for school use.
This is not true. On play dates, they just want to play video games. My kid has opportunities to go to the park unsupervised to meet with friends and is still addicted to screens.
Kids emulate adults, not just other kids. If in-person culture is mostly dead in the US, they will emulate the adults being online. We need to reboot our culture, so adults have reasons to be together in person, not just in churches and workplaces. Discussion/reading groups, folk dances, music jams, festivals, presentations by people about topics they are passionate about, and other civic clubs for example. Maybe even good old fashioned economic interdependence, where people make and do stuff for each other around them, instead of getting it and giving it to abstract and far away institutions. If the only glue we have is our children and believing absurd dogmas (which is what costly signaling requires), then online zombie culture will always win.
Thank you so much for your continued effort to inform parents. It's often the kids that get the blame, but it's not their fault they're being bubble wrapped. Risky Play = Resiliency.
"Children who were raised on screens need more freedom out in the real world."
That is the key. Let children have more autonomy, within reason. That was the case when I was growing up. There were very few problems with kids getting into trouble.
were kids with disabilities asked what they use phones for and if they are being kept from such use? Were they asked about fears of play, of bullying, of being with other kids? Were they asked what they would like for their lives? Were they asked what they believe should be done generally regarding this topic in terms of accessibility and disability?
Kids with disabilities were not coddled like they are now, but they were placed in special classes if there was a need. Parents looked after special needs children.
Please please please:
Don't forget to mention that we need better infrastructure. We need to design family centered, walkable neighborhoods that kids are safe to play in and get around independently.
Kids don't go outside because there's no where to go and no way to get there. We are so car dependent and that is what I believe mostly contributes to the loneliness epidemic and isolation among non-driving kids and teens.
I am so so passionate about this and my goal this semester is to publish a big research paper on my Substack, and later use it for lobbying in my North-Atlanta suburban county. It's going to be called something like "how car centric design contributes to the loneliness epidemic among youth and general health crisis in America"
I'm going to have a section about the loneliness epidemic, another one about the health crisis, and another about child development in suburban America compared to walkable European countries.
Speaking of walkable European countries, I just went to Italy for 22 days, Corsica for 2 days, and the car free town of Zermatt, Switzerland, for 2 days. On this trip I interviewed at least 25 different kids from different places in Italy, and I've already published the Zermatt interviews.
I would really appreciate if you took a look at that. It's on my Substack and my YouTube channel. I also posted a video on my Substack of myself kicking around a soccer ball with some boys on an open street in Italy.
I plan to interview more kids in my suburban hometown so people can watch and compare the interviews. The interviews from Zermatt might be helpful to your research and persuasive writing. There's an emphasis on independence there, and at one point a girl in the interview told me "you will see like no kids walking around with their parents".
Zermatt Interview Youtube: https://youtu.be/IOIn5sntN2w?si=ZhNxT47zCvT4T71L
No kids with parents Youtube Short: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/dW7TorjLmbc
Zermatt Interview Substack: https://julianarivera.substack.com/p/what-is-childhood-and-teen-life-like
Zermatt Report Substack: https://julianarivera.substack.com/p/zermatt-the-car-free-swiss-town-of
Soccer On Street Substack: https://julianarivera.substack.com/p/the-first-and-last-time-i-experienced
When we were kids we rode our bikes everywhere. Now with e-bikes the range is even greater.
Of course most of our friends lived on the block or cul-de-sac. Why is this no longer practical?
We don’t need to redesign our cities or infrastructure. We need to get our kids out of the house.
you were very privileged to be able to ride your bike everywhere. However, most new suburban development only accommodates for cars, and there are few bike lanes and sidewalks.
We can't just "get our kids out of the house" because they have no way to get around anywhere meaningful independently. And since most friend groups are spread throughout different neighborhoods and even schools, kids can't just meet up with their friends by walking to the house down the road.
We didn’t need bike lanes. I am not sure I even knew of such a thing as a kid. We just got on our bike, got on the side of the road and drove wherever we wanted. We were expected to be home by dinner time. I would ride 5 miles or so to the mall, or even further to the abandoned gravel pits.
We don’t need infrastructure. Full stop.
We need parents to let their kids out the door on a daily basis. They will find friends in the neighborhood and organize ball games, or build forts, or build skateboard ramps, or play with dolls. That is what kids do.
I don't know where my comment went cause I can't find it, but basically what I said was:
We need bike lanes now. Cars go 40-50 miles an hour on the roads and few adults dare to bike on them let alone a parent wanting to let out their 9 year old. If the kid tips over on his bike, he's on the road and gets run over by a distracted driver. It's simply unrealistic to tell parents to "just let their kids out" without considering the unfriendly and car centric infrastructure.
Yes, a good start is to focus on infrastructure. But it goes way beyond cars. See my comment above, please.
yes! I think we have hope because the next generation of parents are millennials and I don't think they are going to give up their social lives as easily as gen xers did
Great article!! I remember letting my boys play outside when I made dinner(about 15 years ago) - and all the other parents hovered as their kids played outside their houses, in their front yards. I felt like a bad parent at the time - but I couldn't stand the constant hovering and I had to get dinner on the table after work. Man, I wish I would have had this intel back then so I could stop feeling guilty.
I will say my boys are comfortable making decisions and thinking through things, and cautious(sometimes) and I love hearing their stories of risks they take.
I had lots of free play outside as a kid. I loved it!
School age kids may want free unstructured time with their friends, but teens seem to want time with their phones...with their friends. These are the kids that are already addicted and have difficulty living life without a phone in their hand. I see them in schools, in town, and in my own home, hanging out side by side and silent, lost in their screens, and communicating via their screens -- through privately messaging each other or relating to one another over what's happening on their phones. Even when involved in other activities, they cannot go more than a few minutes without checking their phones. I see this at the movies, during sports practices and even games and tournaments. I see it at Sweet 16s and inside car windows as these new drivers stop at red lights and on sidewalks and parking lots, checking and staring, staring and checking. Teens are the true addicts here, and the ones that confound therapists while researchers ignore them, as though it's an uphill battle not worth the fight. We can save the kids. Can we save the teens?
Yes, our generation (X) got much more free play time with friends and in the neighborhoods where we grew up. Unfortunately, those of us who’d LIKE to give our kids more ‘free roam’ time and opp’ties are not given cultural or legal permission to do so; it is widespread frowned upon, stigmatized, culturally/ socially prohibited…
my dad had a saying I heard all my life and which I fervently believe: the risk of something happening to you may be low but, if it happens to you, it is 100%.
We are dealing with a contemporary expression of Marshall McLuhan's The Medium is the Message perspective. The medium is not the content, but the phone itself. However, this question extends beyond the phone to the very nature of education today. There again, not primarily the content of education, but the structure (medium) of education. To address these issues in a comprehensive manner would mean we restructure society altogether. The original purpose of public education was to support the growing industrialization of society. That age has changed from the assembly line to individual initiative, designed into every job. I have been an advocate for a long time of teaching kids in the primary grades entrepreneurial skills. What better way to teach independent learning and personal initiative? In 2017, I spoke to a group of students at a business high school in Vienna, Austria. They were starting businesses as part of their curriculum. They were so far beyond my simple little website and weblog. Time for change is here.
This is probably the most important information and change needed for kids today. I hope this is shared far and wide, and that parents with kids act, right away, opening their front doors all down the street.
We could start by having designated days/times when we close neighborhood streets from cars, for outdoor play, so that parents start feeling comfortable enough.
Eventually that won’t be necessary, as it’s a muscle that just needs to become exercised again.
Or just tell kids to look both ways.
It's not hard to avoid getting hit by cars, especially in a residential zone
This is our concern too. How early is too early to expect kids to look both ways? My 4 yo is pretty good..
Pretty depressing. But then, I'm 72, grew up in a small Ohio town called Westerville (it's not so small now!), and had the run of the place, in town and the surrounding farms, a new housing development, and even a swamp. I walked to school every year but jr. high. I recommend a Japanese show you can still see on Netflix called, "Old Enough," where 3 & 4 year olds are sent alone fairly far from home to run an errand for their parents. It shows how comfortable kids even that age can be. They solve their own problems, navigate strange places with appropriate directions, and accomplish tasks that would challenge a high school kid in our time and place. Whatever happened to the pioneer spirit, anyway? We infantalize our young to their long-lasting detriment.
"As I said, my childhood was not one of luxury, but we had fun in a way that I think today’s children would have a hard time understanding. There were always a lot of kids around. Naturally, both the custodian and the grownups got fed up with us, because it could be thirty kids playing rounders (brännboll) or something like that on the courtyard." (The Swedish painter Harald Sandberg talking about his childhood in the 1920s.) Follow the link to read more.
https://open.substack.com/pub/sunshineinpaint/p/in-grandpas-lap?r=7f7u6&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Just want to point out that Roblox is not an online “game.” It’s an online game platform, with many games.
I posted my last comment because I was a totally blind public school student and I was definitely not coddled. I tried making friends and I broke down, not being able to handle any conflict, having what I now know were autism spectrum disorder symptoms, so the friendships had to be ended by our moms. Extreme bullying was dangerous when I was taken to the top bleacher and left there during recess daily for weeks. Due to extreme fear and anxiety, it took weeks for me to be able to use playground equipment even in a gingerly fashion. I was not protected from any of this and, in fact, my mom was dismissive of everything. I never felt satisfaction, joy or mastery regarding any kind of playground activity and my general distrust of the world and of people increased. Prematurity often has the mental health consequences mentioned above and much risk aversion. The non family-centric and "bootstraps" mentality of today saddens me. I wish I had had the iPhone I now have, with built-in screen reader software and not only with the choice of mainstream apps but specialized ones also and AI is only increasing the wonders of access for people with all kinds of disabilities, including for school use.
This is not true. On play dates, they just want to play video games. My kid has opportunities to go to the park unsupervised to meet with friends and is still addicted to screens.