The parents were right…but also, who put the damn phones in these kids’ hands?
Parents need to take responsibility for their role in this catastrophe. Kids weren’t born with phones in their hands. Parents put them there. Kids can’t buy their first phone at age 10, 12, or even 16. Parents have to do that for them.
I'd recommend reading Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. He explains exactly why parents feel helpless in that decision. Many parents want to avoid putting phones in their children's hand, but many parents crumble under the social pressure that other kids have phones, and other parents allowed it to happen. Its not enough to tell parents to become bastions of self-control, because other parents are not in communication with one another. The feeling of holding back cell phones is isolating and stripping of reasonable authority, that many parents feel they must cave into lest they become unreasonable, controlling, and authoritative.
I read it the first week it came out. I’m a huge fan. And I’m a fan of the collective action. But come on, if parents crumble under social pressure, how can they teach their kids to resist it?
I’m a mom of four, including three teenagers. None of them have social media or smart phones. They live in Manhattan, so they do have Bark phones so they can be in touch with me, and this also allows them to text their friends to arrange IN-PERSON hangouts (they have daily texting time limits).
None of what we know about the effect of these technologies on our kids is new information. Haidt rounded it all up and made a great argument that I’m thrilled is resonating around the world. But the research was there years ago. Those of us who bothered to pay attention knew this would be the effect. We resisted, even when we were the only ones (and we used that to teach our children how to be brave and have integrity to do the right thing, even if you’re the only one doing it). Others thought we were extreme and uptight. Now they act like this is all brand new information and the tech companies tricked them. It’s not and they didn’t. The first job of parenthood is to keep our kids safe. Parents who handed THE INTERNET to their young children without thinking twice about it failed at that job. They need to take accountability for that. Because this girl’s poem makes it sound like she’s blaming herself or the tech companies while the parents were trying all along to tell the kids what was what. But the parents were the culprits all along! They were literally the ones buying the phones! And then justifying it to people like me!
Appreciate your passion and genuine kudos to you for your exemplary parenting. Well done.
Blame won't help a lot, understanding and forward thinking will.
We're at a time where curiosity and a heart for better, will.
There was an unprecedented and unrelenting social pressure on parents navigating a construct never known to humanity before. We were quite strong with our 4 boys, though not perfect. They even laugh about our restrictions to this day, then in the words of our 20 year old to me, only recently 'It would have been hard for you Dad, but I get why you did it'. We were outliers though and we understand that and just how hard it was to stand in the face of what was presented to us as a social tsunami of acceptance and confidence.
I understand your frustration with how a parenting generation may have struggled to navigate this and invite you to accept how people may have struggled with it, not achieved what you did, but to look forward and what we do next.
Of course we can only look forward. But people can't move forward proactively if they don't take full responsibility for their role, past and present. The reason I (and I assume you) have been able to stand my ground in the face of societal pressure is because I take 100% responsibility for my children. I believe I'm in charge. That's why I don't let society or schools or even my children themselves pressure me into doing things I'm not comfortable with. Being proactive means owning our power, which means owning our responsibility.
Thanks for continuing the conversation. At no point did I say that people not taking responsibility wasn't important. The past always has nourishment to inform the future whether it's success or failure. What I said was, that the way people are going to find a path to that will not be via blame, which was the spirit that came across in your original post that I responded to. Understanding what someone's challenge is, how they might have struggled and failed, as parents have here, allowing expression in that to move through it, take ownership, to then choose anew, a better path, is scientifically proven to yield better long term outcomes for better. Lecturing and berating people and creating trauma for their failings does not. It's psychology 101 I'm afraid so I encourage you to consider your approach here as you appear to have some wonderful insights to offer people but may risk the reception of those because of your approach.
Poetry is medicine for screen sickness. This is a wonderful antidote from Korijanes.
Another such potion is MANIFESTO: THE MAD FARMER LIBERATION FRONT by Wendell Berry. For a long time now, Berry has been reminding us that we can outwit the machine age in a few simple steps:
And people, stop blaming parents. Unless you want to blame millions and millions. The kids who didn't have them were left out and ostracized from social activity. It is now unbiquitous and effects brains irrevocably. Blame Steve Jobs first. He opened the door. Then the creators of apps like Snapchat, which keeps parents from seeing what kids are doing. Pure evil billionaires. Try stopping a freight train with a feather.
How hard is it to just set a rule with yourself and your friends/family that you'll be off the phone much of the time? This is clearly an addiction. For decades before smart phones, society functioned just fine. There's no reason that people have to be on their phones every minute. Stand in line and talk to those around you. Eat out and don't have your phone out. When you meet with friends and family, don't have your phone out. When you're out in nature, don't have your phone out. Don't take photos and videos of everyone and everything around you--just enjoy and live in the moment. Engage with the world and its people and other living things -- not with your phone!
I don’t know whoever said that screens are not a risk. First off they disconnect us from our bodies. Second they give us access to an overwhelming load of information and through short form Video content we are saturating our perceptive senses through a single 2D screen. Our eyes are moving constantly we get shoved information we don’t always want to see. Then there’s the content itself and it’s impact on our hormones on the chemicals that our brain produces sending mixed signals to our system. On top of that this very content triggers fear, anxiety, comparison, scarcity mindset, sending us into further disconnection and dissatisfaction with ourselves, our bodies, our families. We feel we exist when we post get likes and somewhat are someone online. Have we lost our mind!? What if the whole world took a whole day off phones and screens globally? Could we make this an experiment? See what happens? And if there’s an emergency? Maybe we can actually find that the nearest people to us can assist us in that moment?
Omg I so agree! I’m so freaking glad that my parents didn’t get me a phone YET. I’m so involved with the world and alive. It is the phones that are rotting us. All and most of my friends have phones and they are rude and robotic. I repeat: so freaking glad.
I love that she is self-aware, but this is a linked-in style essay, not a poem. There is no depth, no development, no nuance. It uses trite phrasings in sequence. It doesn’t vary its tone even.
I'm replying to this comment because every other one has already said all there is to say, the article said something about Kori Jane being "one of the most powerful writers" (in this niche), so I expected something a bit more impactful than the "I sit and scroll and rot" that exists in 50k different versions of screenshoted posts out there.
By no means am I trying to say that her point doesn't come across very well, but... When you introduce someone to me as one of the strongest modern poetry writers, I was hoping for something a little bit more poetic.
Even the best, most useful, progressive technology should be banned, cancelled, destroyed and buried for good if it harms the social structure.
A passenger car is great, because it gives more opportunities and choices to the user. An EV is a destroyer of everything, and its benefits are next to none. A self-driving EV should have never been designed.
Landline phones are great, as they truly connect people AND leave the decision to answer the call. Mobile phones may be justified in a few environments (like emergency services), but should be forbidden in civilian and military lifestyles. Wearable or injectable means of communication cross the mental illness border.
We have plenty of such examples. We have lost track of what’s inside our minds. Cunning sales forces openly lie to push their products on us, and we happily accept them, never asking a question “Do I need it? Really?”
Then... we make “poems” on these things, disseminate them on these things, gain audience and publicity through these things, and accept royalties paid through these things. Sheer madness.
Why is it wrong? Because these things have replaced other people. We think (believe) that we don’t need other people...
The problem is that all these things work only as long as the battery holds the juice... Once you are cut off from the grid, your mind will show its true colours - then all these things will truly be “smart” and “smarter”. And their user will become dumber and dumber...
There’s a lot there, Dan-with-3-dots. I didn’t “like” the comment because I’m not sure I do. But I agree with it (well, maybe not the nostalgia for land lines), so now what? Re-stack? Incorporate your comments into a note of my own (as I do now)? By commenting, we (I) participate.
We don't need 90% of the stuff that is out there in the market. We have been conditioned to use it and need it, so we buy it. In the age of mass erasure of jobs, that's stupidity - we leak our cash on things that will not help us to create more cash.
We as a social entity are not ready to re-think our decisions and throw away the things that are unnecessary or harmful to us. In earlier decades, these harms were self-limiting, nowadays influencers and advertising push the buying madness beyond any reason. And without any control or vetting. Untamed greed is winning, whatever the costs.
The parents were right…but also, who put the damn phones in these kids’ hands?
Parents need to take responsibility for their role in this catastrophe. Kids weren’t born with phones in their hands. Parents put them there. Kids can’t buy their first phone at age 10, 12, or even 16. Parents have to do that for them.
I'd recommend reading Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt. He explains exactly why parents feel helpless in that decision. Many parents want to avoid putting phones in their children's hand, but many parents crumble under the social pressure that other kids have phones, and other parents allowed it to happen. Its not enough to tell parents to become bastions of self-control, because other parents are not in communication with one another. The feeling of holding back cell phones is isolating and stripping of reasonable authority, that many parents feel they must cave into lest they become unreasonable, controlling, and authoritative.
I read it the first week it came out. I’m a huge fan. And I’m a fan of the collective action. But come on, if parents crumble under social pressure, how can they teach their kids to resist it?
I’m a mom of four, including three teenagers. None of them have social media or smart phones. They live in Manhattan, so they do have Bark phones so they can be in touch with me, and this also allows them to text their friends to arrange IN-PERSON hangouts (they have daily texting time limits).
None of what we know about the effect of these technologies on our kids is new information. Haidt rounded it all up and made a great argument that I’m thrilled is resonating around the world. But the research was there years ago. Those of us who bothered to pay attention knew this would be the effect. We resisted, even when we were the only ones (and we used that to teach our children how to be brave and have integrity to do the right thing, even if you’re the only one doing it). Others thought we were extreme and uptight. Now they act like this is all brand new information and the tech companies tricked them. It’s not and they didn’t. The first job of parenthood is to keep our kids safe. Parents who handed THE INTERNET to their young children without thinking twice about it failed at that job. They need to take accountability for that. Because this girl’s poem makes it sound like she’s blaming herself or the tech companies while the parents were trying all along to tell the kids what was what. But the parents were the culprits all along! They were literally the ones buying the phones! And then justifying it to people like me!
Appreciate your passion and genuine kudos to you for your exemplary parenting. Well done.
Blame won't help a lot, understanding and forward thinking will.
We're at a time where curiosity and a heart for better, will.
There was an unprecedented and unrelenting social pressure on parents navigating a construct never known to humanity before. We were quite strong with our 4 boys, though not perfect. They even laugh about our restrictions to this day, then in the words of our 20 year old to me, only recently 'It would have been hard for you Dad, but I get why you did it'. We were outliers though and we understand that and just how hard it was to stand in the face of what was presented to us as a social tsunami of acceptance and confidence.
I understand your frustration with how a parenting generation may have struggled to navigate this and invite you to accept how people may have struggled with it, not achieved what you did, but to look forward and what we do next.
Of course we can only look forward. But people can't move forward proactively if they don't take full responsibility for their role, past and present. The reason I (and I assume you) have been able to stand my ground in the face of societal pressure is because I take 100% responsibility for my children. I believe I'm in charge. That's why I don't let society or schools or even my children themselves pressure me into doing things I'm not comfortable with. Being proactive means owning our power, which means owning our responsibility.
Thanks for continuing the conversation. At no point did I say that people not taking responsibility wasn't important. The past always has nourishment to inform the future whether it's success or failure. What I said was, that the way people are going to find a path to that will not be via blame, which was the spirit that came across in your original post that I responded to. Understanding what someone's challenge is, how they might have struggled and failed, as parents have here, allowing expression in that to move through it, take ownership, to then choose anew, a better path, is scientifically proven to yield better long term outcomes for better. Lecturing and berating people and creating trauma for their failings does not. It's psychology 101 I'm afraid so I encourage you to consider your approach here as you appear to have some wonderful insights to offer people but may risk the reception of those because of your approach.
The phones have two subtle mind control techniques at play:
1 - They work through a hypnosis effect of "narrowing the gaze" onto a small area.
2 - Magnetic fields put the brain into a trance-induced alpha state.
I love the title of the poem, and the soul behind it. AI can't compete.
Poetry is medicine for screen sickness. This is a wonderful antidote from Korijanes.
Another such potion is MANIFESTO: THE MAD FARMER LIBERATION FRONT by Wendell Berry. For a long time now, Berry has been reminding us that we can outwit the machine age in a few simple steps:
"So, friends, every day do something
that won’t compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it."
Gee, no kidding.
And people, stop blaming parents. Unless you want to blame millions and millions. The kids who didn't have them were left out and ostracized from social activity. It is now unbiquitous and effects brains irrevocably. Blame Steve Jobs first. He opened the door. Then the creators of apps like Snapchat, which keeps parents from seeing what kids are doing. Pure evil billionaires. Try stopping a freight train with a feather.
That is EXACTLY what it is...Trying to stop a freight train with a feather.
How hard is it to just set a rule with yourself and your friends/family that you'll be off the phone much of the time? This is clearly an addiction. For decades before smart phones, society functioned just fine. There's no reason that people have to be on their phones every minute. Stand in line and talk to those around you. Eat out and don't have your phone out. When you meet with friends and family, don't have your phone out. When you're out in nature, don't have your phone out. Don't take photos and videos of everyone and everything around you--just enjoy and live in the moment. Engage with the world and its people and other living things -- not with your phone!
So so glad I didn’t get a smartphone till 20 my parents refused
I was 50. So fortunate to have lived most of my life analog. Professionally, the smart phone equaled an electronic leash.
I don’t know whoever said that screens are not a risk. First off they disconnect us from our bodies. Second they give us access to an overwhelming load of information and through short form Video content we are saturating our perceptive senses through a single 2D screen. Our eyes are moving constantly we get shoved information we don’t always want to see. Then there’s the content itself and it’s impact on our hormones on the chemicals that our brain produces sending mixed signals to our system. On top of that this very content triggers fear, anxiety, comparison, scarcity mindset, sending us into further disconnection and dissatisfaction with ourselves, our bodies, our families. We feel we exist when we post get likes and somewhat are someone online. Have we lost our mind!? What if the whole world took a whole day off phones and screens globally? Could we make this an experiment? See what happens? And if there’s an emergency? Maybe we can actually find that the nearest people to us can assist us in that moment?
Omg I so agree! I’m so freaking glad that my parents didn’t get me a phone YET. I’m so involved with the world and alive. It is the phones that are rotting us. All and most of my friends have phones and they are rude and robotic. I repeat: so freaking glad.
I love that she is self-aware, but this is a linked-in style essay, not a poem. There is no depth, no development, no nuance. It uses trite phrasings in sequence. It doesn’t vary its tone even.
Why don’t people know about poetry any more?
I'm replying to this comment because every other one has already said all there is to say, the article said something about Kori Jane being "one of the most powerful writers" (in this niche), so I expected something a bit more impactful than the "I sit and scroll and rot" that exists in 50k different versions of screenshoted posts out there.
By no means am I trying to say that her point doesn't come across very well, but... When you introduce someone to me as one of the strongest modern poetry writers, I was hoping for something a little bit more poetic.
Even the best, most useful, progressive technology should be banned, cancelled, destroyed and buried for good if it harms the social structure.
A passenger car is great, because it gives more opportunities and choices to the user. An EV is a destroyer of everything, and its benefits are next to none. A self-driving EV should have never been designed.
Landline phones are great, as they truly connect people AND leave the decision to answer the call. Mobile phones may be justified in a few environments (like emergency services), but should be forbidden in civilian and military lifestyles. Wearable or injectable means of communication cross the mental illness border.
We have plenty of such examples. We have lost track of what’s inside our minds. Cunning sales forces openly lie to push their products on us, and we happily accept them, never asking a question “Do I need it? Really?”
Then... we make “poems” on these things, disseminate them on these things, gain audience and publicity through these things, and accept royalties paid through these things. Sheer madness.
Why is it wrong? Because these things have replaced other people. We think (believe) that we don’t need other people...
The problem is that all these things work only as long as the battery holds the juice... Once you are cut off from the grid, your mind will show its true colours - then all these things will truly be “smart” and “smarter”. And their user will become dumber and dumber...
There’s a lot there, Dan-with-3-dots. I didn’t “like” the comment because I’m not sure I do. But I agree with it (well, maybe not the nostalgia for land lines), so now what? Re-stack? Incorporate your comments into a note of my own (as I do now)? By commenting, we (I) participate.
So now what?
We need other people.
We don't need 90% of the stuff that is out there in the market. We have been conditioned to use it and need it, so we buy it. In the age of mass erasure of jobs, that's stupidity - we leak our cash on things that will not help us to create more cash.
We as a social entity are not ready to re-think our decisions and throw away the things that are unnecessary or harmful to us. In earlier decades, these harms were self-limiting, nowadays influencers and advertising push the buying madness beyond any reason. And without any control or vetting. Untamed greed is winning, whatever the costs.
True that humans “suck at taking responsibility” e. g. Adam to God, “The woman gave it to me.”
Eve to God, “The serpent tricked me.”
Serpent to God, “pssssst”.
They did create agencies warning about the harms of TV. In fact, It is still there and called Children’s Screen Time Action Network.
We all know helping children (or humanity) was never the goal and why the agency had not prevailed.
We also know radio is just as guilty.
Perhaps people are waking up?
have you asked blind and visually impaired people in this generation what they think about the smart phone? I dare you to do that in a good way.
Of course it’s a poem. GEN ZEEEEEEE! *shakes cane at sky*
I have seen Kori Jane before. There is hope...
Shared this with my teenagers straight away, thank you for sharing.