What you offer is so practical! Thank you, Katherine. It will be wonderful to experience more of your writing! We desperately need practical advice in an overly complicated world. For the first one, "when spending time with a child, leave your phone elsewhere," I find that unless we practice leaving our phone elsewhere in other situations, we won't be conditioned to do it with them. For example, if you're running to the gas station, just to get gas, leave your phone at home. When you go to the bathroom, don't take your phone. I no longer take my phone on my runs in the country (I realize this might not be safe in all situations). Then it won't feel so shocking (and we'll be a little less anxious without it) while with them.
Also, if you’re interested in joining in an evening via zoom with Erin Loechner (author of “The Opt-Out Family”) next Monday evening, hosted by the Smartphone Free Childhood US, please join us!
Love this post, Katherine, and looking forward to reading your book! We downgraded our youngest kids’ iPhones almost a year ago (they are currently almost 18). It was a painful decision to make the switch to Pinwheels, aka dumb phones, and actually “pulling the plug” was even more painful, as you can imagine. But guess what? We survived it, and my girls have really worked on skill-building this past year, skills which I knew they were desperately lacking as they approached adulthood.
Hindsight is 20/20, and giving my children smartphones had become one of the most regrettable decisions of my life. Gratefully, it was something that I saw the opportunity to change with my youngest, and in turn, this has become one of the best, most empowering decisions of my life!
It’s never too late to make changes in our lives when it comes to tech, even if our kids are adults and out of the house, or even if we don’t have kids at all and see some patterns and behaviors in our own tech use that we don’t like.
These days, my girls reach for my phone when they want to use the internet or check something out that they can’t access on their phones. And my favorite response to them when they ask where my phone is? “I don’t know.” I’ve noticed this pattern with myself, and have realized that I’ve come to love the feeling of losing track of my phone!
It’s becoming a more common occurrence, and it’s showing me how great it feels to be disconnected and really present with my family in the day-to-day experiences of our lives. And I’m hoping that my girls are noticing that as well. That the real world is so much more fulfilling than anything that’s available to them on a screen.
If you’re interested, check out my new family book/journal on Amazon. I’m excited to share some ideas for disconnecting each week with our families by engaging in meaningful, real-world experiences!
There is no better organization for getting youths out in nature, making new friends, interacting with their old friends, getting exercise and fresh air, learning life skills, and building character.
Mobile devices are not allowed, except on long drives.
Yes, they were attacked, but the organization is regrouping, and I think that they can make a big comeback for all the reasons that I mentioned in the original comment.
It is important not to use a few bad events in the past to make us give up on what worked in the past. We have a new generation of boys, and they need to learn how to grow up to be good men. There is really no other organization that can do it, and we cannot give up on the next generation.
Black pill conservatives are the Leftist's best friend.
You guys might be missing another core strategy: let go of your kids more. I know Lenore Skenazy has written much about free-range kids, but have parents embraced this enough? Perhaps the compulsion to check email during a soccer game, when parents might feel they can shift their attention away from their kids for a few minutes, would not be so tempting if other times during "parenting" duty cycles, they did not feel the need to hover in helicopter mode. Soccer games might be special time, worthy of 100% attention. Playing in the yard as part of a daily routine, not so much (and an occasional email not so distracting).
She mentioned independent play, but what struck me is that in the soccer anecdote, she's not at a game, but at a *practice.* I won't assume about her, but many parents now feel the need to attend all of their kids' practices, and the idea of kids spending their practices trying to get Mom's attention (when she wouldn't even have been there in the recent past) rather than absorbed in the activity is odd to me.
My daughter is on a swim team and I'm stunned at how many parents attend those practices. I'm more than happy to sit in a sweltering natatorium for a meet, but for practice? No thanks. I have been using the time she is in the pool to take a walk or sit in my car and read. It's a nice quiet 60 minute respite that I've given myself a few times per week.
But to the larger point, parents have become too involved. Give your kids some space to be kids and grow.
In the school district where I work, parents are not permitted to attend after school sports practices without special permission from the school. It's an extension of the same rule the district has for classes.
Wonderful and practical advice, Katherine! Would it be okay if we reposted this on our website? If so, we would direct people to you and your work. (We are a non-profit Christian organization aimed at helping men and dads.)
Thank you very interesting. I may add on Tip 6. Boring-ify your phone. To change the cover to transparent (stop decorating It with flowers or worse pictures of loved ones) never use a home screen with family members or loved One.
Better to use behind the transparent cover a positive quote reminding you that your Journey towards health and happiness Is about reducing "digital distraction and permanent attention seeking phone-addiction". Like "It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it." from Seneca.
My extra point would be a "parking box", our brain needs space and structure to learn. So a "parking box" for all devices on the tablet at the entrance of the house Is very useful. You are free to pick up devices at any time for as much as you want but When done they go back to their parking box. You learn to set boundaries and start looking at the phone as something to govern. Bedrooms are for resting so they must be free from devices, you also communicate to your children the importance of a good rest to be successful.
All the points require cultivating discipline.
It is a critica ingredient for a Happy successful Life, one that Social Media have scrapped from us as It kills their profits (like any other value or skill that protects US from severe exploitation and cultural wisdom(the shield against Chaos) dismantlement)
What you offer is so practical! Thank you, Katherine. It will be wonderful to experience more of your writing! We desperately need practical advice in an overly complicated world. For the first one, "when spending time with a child, leave your phone elsewhere," I find that unless we practice leaving our phone elsewhere in other situations, we won't be conditioned to do it with them. For example, if you're running to the gas station, just to get gas, leave your phone at home. When you go to the bathroom, don't take your phone. I no longer take my phone on my runs in the country (I realize this might not be safe in all situations). Then it won't feel so shocking (and we'll be a little less anxious without it) while with them.
Also, if you’re interested in joining in an evening via zoom with Erin Loechner (author of “The Opt-Out Family”) next Monday evening, hosted by the Smartphone Free Childhood US, please join us!
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/sfcxus-presents-holidays-unplugged-with-erin-loechner-tickets-1075297005289?aff=oddtdtcreator
Thank you! I just reserved a ticket. It's great timing because I purchased Erin's book last week.
Great advice! I always appreciate Katherine’s work.
Love this post, Katherine, and looking forward to reading your book! We downgraded our youngest kids’ iPhones almost a year ago (they are currently almost 18). It was a painful decision to make the switch to Pinwheels, aka dumb phones, and actually “pulling the plug” was even more painful, as you can imagine. But guess what? We survived it, and my girls have really worked on skill-building this past year, skills which I knew they were desperately lacking as they approached adulthood.
Hindsight is 20/20, and giving my children smartphones had become one of the most regrettable decisions of my life. Gratefully, it was something that I saw the opportunity to change with my youngest, and in turn, this has become one of the best, most empowering decisions of my life!
It’s never too late to make changes in our lives when it comes to tech, even if our kids are adults and out of the house, or even if we don’t have kids at all and see some patterns and behaviors in our own tech use that we don’t like.
These days, my girls reach for my phone when they want to use the internet or check something out that they can’t access on their phones. And my favorite response to them when they ask where my phone is? “I don’t know.” I’ve noticed this pattern with myself, and have realized that I’ve come to love the feeling of losing track of my phone!
It’s becoming a more common occurrence, and it’s showing me how great it feels to be disconnected and really present with my family in the day-to-day experiences of our lives. And I’m hoping that my girls are noticing that as well. That the real world is so much more fulfilling than anything that’s available to them on a screen.
If you’re interested, check out my new family book/journal on Amazon. I’m excited to share some ideas for disconnecting each week with our families by engaging in meaningful, real-world experiences!
🧡 Kathleen Barlow
Swimming Upscreen
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DNB56D2D/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=128PY7TZG7UME&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.oubHUbfwaESj2BPonvVnD5OlDyl-egd1h3qvKLTloQbGjHj071QN20LucGBJIEps.GKKevBmc9T9chWeRlhQyYwZClmhPNDurN2twd3HkK0Y&dib_tag=se&keywords=52+screen+free+experiences&qid=1731777104&sprefix=%2Caps%2C117&sr=8-1
Good advice, as always.
And join the Boy Scouts!
There is no better organization for getting youths out in nature, making new friends, interacting with their old friends, getting exercise and fresh air, learning life skills, and building character.
Mobile devices are not allowed, except on long drives.
Sign them up at age 11. You will not regret it.
"And join the Boy Scouts!"
The Boy Scouts are not what they used to be. They were attacked by shitlibs some years ago.
Yes, they were attacked, but the organization is regrouping, and I think that they can make a big comeback for all the reasons that I mentioned in the original comment.
It is important not to use a few bad events in the past to make us give up on what worked in the past. We have a new generation of boys, and they need to learn how to grow up to be good men. There is really no other organization that can do it, and we cannot give up on the next generation.
Black pill conservatives are the Leftist's best friend.
I hope you are correct.
I was a Cub Scout and a Boy Scout in the fifties.
Quality and experience vary greatly by troop, but my son’s troop is awesome. He will Eagle in a few weeks.
Scouting teaches boys everything that is missing from public school.
Donald Trump promising a total ban on electricity to get the Omish vote!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8SZqPT1nc8
😁🙃😁🙃😁🙃
Leave a coupon for a free lunch in your local mechanics' waiting rooms:"FREE LUNCH if your car broke down and you will tell that story to my child."
A high-tech world needs high-touch. In an economy where our attention is the product, why not give it to our top customer - our children?
Childhood Unplugged is a practical guide in today's world of a "just do it" mindset - Katherine has helped show me, and my wife the "how."
You guys might be missing another core strategy: let go of your kids more. I know Lenore Skenazy has written much about free-range kids, but have parents embraced this enough? Perhaps the compulsion to check email during a soccer game, when parents might feel they can shift their attention away from their kids for a few minutes, would not be so tempting if other times during "parenting" duty cycles, they did not feel the need to hover in helicopter mode. Soccer games might be special time, worthy of 100% attention. Playing in the yard as part of a daily routine, not so much (and an occasional email not so distracting).
She mentioned independent play, but what struck me is that in the soccer anecdote, she's not at a game, but at a *practice.* I won't assume about her, but many parents now feel the need to attend all of their kids' practices, and the idea of kids spending their practices trying to get Mom's attention (when she wouldn't even have been there in the recent past) rather than absorbed in the activity is odd to me.
My daughter is on a swim team and I'm stunned at how many parents attend those practices. I'm more than happy to sit in a sweltering natatorium for a meet, but for practice? No thanks. I have been using the time she is in the pool to take a walk or sit in my car and read. It's a nice quiet 60 minute respite that I've given myself a few times per week.
But to the larger point, parents have become too involved. Give your kids some space to be kids and grow.
In the school district where I work, parents are not permitted to attend after school sports practices without special permission from the school. It's an extension of the same rule the district has for classes.
Wonderful and practical advice, Katherine! Would it be okay if we reposted this on our website? If so, we would direct people to you and your work. (We are a non-profit Christian organization aimed at helping men and dads.)
Thank you very interesting. I may add on Tip 6. Boring-ify your phone. To change the cover to transparent (stop decorating It with flowers or worse pictures of loved ones) never use a home screen with family members or loved One.
Better to use behind the transparent cover a positive quote reminding you that your Journey towards health and happiness Is about reducing "digital distraction and permanent attention seeking phone-addiction". Like "It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it." from Seneca.
My extra point would be a "parking box", our brain needs space and structure to learn. So a "parking box" for all devices on the tablet at the entrance of the house Is very useful. You are free to pick up devices at any time for as much as you want but When done they go back to their parking box. You learn to set boundaries and start looking at the phone as something to govern. Bedrooms are for resting so they must be free from devices, you also communicate to your children the importance of a good rest to be successful.
All the points require cultivating discipline.
It is a critica ingredient for a Happy successful Life, one that Social Media have scrapped from us as It kills their profits (like any other value or skill that protects US from severe exploitation and cultural wisdom(the shield against Chaos) dismantlement)
Parenting in a digital world isn’t easy, but empathy makes all the difference.
thank you! how do you do this: change all apps to plain white boxes with a single capital letter to indicate what they are.
Tip 8. Only standup don't sit while dumb phoning.
I loved the second tip!