Ah, “What else is on?” Is the last line of The Truman Show. I couldn’t agree more. I’m a 30 year teacher. These poor kids- their entire lives are a performance. Every thing captured instead of enjoyed.
Beautifully written and compelling, as always. I am convinced that a major step in the right direction would be a law forbidding adults to post pictures and videos of minors on public platforms. Children especially have no understanding of what it means to be exposed this way, whereas teenagers might not fully grasp the risks involved. I know child actors have existed for a long time, but acting (which is regulated under labor laws) and having your private life filmed for entertainment are two very different things. I find it terrifying that these adults who obviously have a distorted notion of boundaries are encouraged by monetary incentive to deny their kids the basic human right of privacy, sometimes from the moment they are born.
This makes me uneasy. That's good; this SHOULD feel uncomfortable. I think reflection on this idea is important for every single one of us who uses social media—not just those with major followings. We're all performing to an extent. Every post, every story, every like and comment is a presentation of some kind. It doesn't matter whether we have 500k followers or 50.
I want to remember the simple joy of ordering a coffee, taking a hike, watching a sunrise, without this nagging thought in the back of my mind: "This is great! How do I make sure everyone else knows it?" I want it to be enough that I know. That my dearest companions know. Our lives don't belong to apps, and they don't belong to followers, and they don't belong to performances.
As a teacher, I find it hard to disagree with Freya. I wonder, though, if our schools can be the locus of a solution. Perhaps it's time for schools to present our kids with an alternative to their screen-saturated norm. Perhaps they can be bastions of embodied experience where relationships are formed in the physical world rather than the digital one. Perhaps they can restore that which we've lost. I firmly believe that this is possible; we CAN turn this tide.
Thank you for this. I entirely agree. The rise of ed-tech, its dominance, and the reverence with which it treated by some school staff has undermined a lot of important aspects of both life and learning.
What I truly do not understand is the overweening human need for constant attention, look at me! look at me! look at me! whatever you do please don't stop looking at me!
Such an insightful piece. Thank you for sharing it. More and more I want to preserve and protect those private moments of life just for me and those that I know and love. They are not for sale or for likes by strangers.
Wonderful take! I couldn’t agree more. The further I got into the piece, the more I couldn’t help but feel that “participation trophy” culture had contributed in no small way to this phenomenon. This is one reason I don’t post much on the socials (I write this as I’m on a social media “detox”, during which I find myself on Substack more… I think I’m likely to make the change permanent), because my life isn’t a product for others to consume.
I can no longer look at even the cutest, most innocent or wholesome looking video on Instagram without asking myself, "Why was somebody recording this? Why was a camera running at this time? Why was this video put on a public account instead of shared privately with friends and family?" If you ask yourself that question, you realize the answer is almost always that the video was either staged or the cameras are constantly running and hope of capturing something to be used for content. It gives you a whole different view of even the cutest, most innocent looking videos
Agreed. I started blocking people who post themselves in obviously staged situations, like waking up. Bc unless you’re recording yourself sleeping, you already woke up and staged a camera to capture a fake moment.
All of life turned into a commodity. What a sad reflection of what people are turning into. After I retired, I closed all my business social media accounts, which left one personal Facebook account to communicate with friends. I could tell this insanity was only getting worse--monetizing life events, that is. Thanks for sounding the alarm. Maybe some can get off their phones long enough to listen.
However, all these people perform because there is an appetite for the content. People are curious about other people, we like to watch what our peers are doing. Influencers are entrepreneurs -- maybe of limited skill in many cases -- but at least they're trying to provide something. Do we really want to tell them to stop posting and go get desk jobs?
I see your point. If we stop consuming, they are out of a job. I think the influencers who are trying to teach a skill (gardening, baking, cooking, building sheds etc) can be valuable. However, the folks that show every aspect of their life and exploit their children is just icky to me. I have zero interest in them and I have a hard time understanding how others actually want to watch their life.
This is all so true, Freya. In fact, as we make a bigger deal than ever of 'authenticity', we become less authentic. Everything is a curated presentation. I was talking earlier today with my 28 yr old son about how people are becoming bit parts in their own lives – prepared to be whatever people need them to be. This is indicative of a lack of any strong, organic sense of identity (rather than pick 'n' mix labels) and no over-arching framework of belief, morality or philosophy to underpin their lives. There is no right and wrong – just an opportunistic 'what works' in the here and now. I wrote recently, on my thirtieth wedding anniversary, about the fact that the proposal was spontaneous, late at night, on a cobbled street under the streetlights, just two people in love – we'd only been together six weeks. We don't have a photo, let alone a selfie – and looking back, it is all the better for that. The most important memories don't need photos – they are still as bright and clear as the day they were made.
One question I have is, how does one decide where to draw the line? No pictures at all, pictures and videos just for the family, pictures and videos shared with grandparents who live far away, pictures and videos shared with other friends, pictures and videos shared publicly? Is it about the intent or the outcome?
We don't post our family on social media or public channels, but my husband films the kids a lot more than I do (or would). But then, we really treasure the family videos he puts together to remember different seasons in our lives. It winds up being about 2 minutes of footage per month – but that's way more than exists of my childhood! Private or not, I wonder what message we send our kids when we film them doing everyday things, even though it's not for public consumption, given the culture all around us.
It's not easy existing in this world, and it's really not easy to exist in a counter-cultural way.
One question I have is, how does one decide where to draw the line? No pictures at all, pictures and videos just for the family, pictures and videos shared with grandparents who live far away, pictures and videos shared with other friends, pictures and videos shared publicly? Is it about the intent or the outcome?
We don't post our family on social media or public channels, but my husband films the kids a lot more than I do (or would). But then, we really treasure the family videos he puts together to remember different seasons in our lives. It winds up being about 2 minutes of footage per month – but that's way more than exists of my childhood! Private or not, I wonder what message we send our kids when we film them doing everyday things, even though it's not for public consumption, given the culture all around us.
It's not easy existing in this world, and it's really not easy to exist in a counter-cultural way.
Ah, “What else is on?” Is the last line of The Truman Show. I couldn’t agree more. I’m a 30 year teacher. These poor kids- their entire lives are a performance. Every thing captured instead of enjoyed.
Beautifully written and compelling, as always. I am convinced that a major step in the right direction would be a law forbidding adults to post pictures and videos of minors on public platforms. Children especially have no understanding of what it means to be exposed this way, whereas teenagers might not fully grasp the risks involved. I know child actors have existed for a long time, but acting (which is regulated under labor laws) and having your private life filmed for entertainment are two very different things. I find it terrifying that these adults who obviously have a distorted notion of boundaries are encouraged by monetary incentive to deny their kids the basic human right of privacy, sometimes from the moment they are born.
This makes me uneasy. That's good; this SHOULD feel uncomfortable. I think reflection on this idea is important for every single one of us who uses social media—not just those with major followings. We're all performing to an extent. Every post, every story, every like and comment is a presentation of some kind. It doesn't matter whether we have 500k followers or 50.
I want to remember the simple joy of ordering a coffee, taking a hike, watching a sunrise, without this nagging thought in the back of my mind: "This is great! How do I make sure everyone else knows it?" I want it to be enough that I know. That my dearest companions know. Our lives don't belong to apps, and they don't belong to followers, and they don't belong to performances.
Let's step off this stage.
As a teacher, I find it hard to disagree with Freya. I wonder, though, if our schools can be the locus of a solution. Perhaps it's time for schools to present our kids with an alternative to their screen-saturated norm. Perhaps they can be bastions of embodied experience where relationships are formed in the physical world rather than the digital one. Perhaps they can restore that which we've lost. I firmly believe that this is possible; we CAN turn this tide.
https://walledgardenedu.substack.com/p/the-disappearing-art-of-deep-learning
Thank you for this. I entirely agree. The rise of ed-tech, its dominance, and the reverence with which it treated by some school staff has undermined a lot of important aspects of both life and learning.
What I truly do not understand is the overweening human need for constant attention, look at me! look at me! look at me! whatever you do please don't stop looking at me!
Such an insightful piece. Thank you for sharing it. More and more I want to preserve and protect those private moments of life just for me and those that I know and love. They are not for sale or for likes by strangers.
Wonderful take! I couldn’t agree more. The further I got into the piece, the more I couldn’t help but feel that “participation trophy” culture had contributed in no small way to this phenomenon. This is one reason I don’t post much on the socials (I write this as I’m on a social media “detox”, during which I find myself on Substack more… I think I’m likely to make the change permanent), because my life isn’t a product for others to consume.
I can no longer look at even the cutest, most innocent or wholesome looking video on Instagram without asking myself, "Why was somebody recording this? Why was a camera running at this time? Why was this video put on a public account instead of shared privately with friends and family?" If you ask yourself that question, you realize the answer is almost always that the video was either staged or the cameras are constantly running and hope of capturing something to be used for content. It gives you a whole different view of even the cutest, most innocent looking videos
Agreed. I started blocking people who post themselves in obviously staged situations, like waking up. Bc unless you’re recording yourself sleeping, you already woke up and staged a camera to capture a fake moment.
All of life turned into a commodity. What a sad reflection of what people are turning into. After I retired, I closed all my business social media accounts, which left one personal Facebook account to communicate with friends. I could tell this insanity was only getting worse--monetizing life events, that is. Thanks for sounding the alarm. Maybe some can get off their phones long enough to listen.
I remember when The Truman Show was just a fiction...
You’re never stuck in traffic.
You ARE the traffic.
Upon learning that she was a Replicant, did not Rachel Tyrell in Bladerunner say "I'm not in the business. I am the business."?
However, all these people perform because there is an appetite for the content. People are curious about other people, we like to watch what our peers are doing. Influencers are entrepreneurs -- maybe of limited skill in many cases -- but at least they're trying to provide something. Do we really want to tell them to stop posting and go get desk jobs?
I see your point. If we stop consuming, they are out of a job. I think the influencers who are trying to teach a skill (gardening, baking, cooking, building sheds etc) can be valuable. However, the folks that show every aspect of their life and exploit their children is just icky to me. I have zero interest in them and I have a hard time understanding how others actually want to watch their life.
Incredible piece, couldn't agree more. We are sacrificing our children at the altar of greed.
This is all so true, Freya. In fact, as we make a bigger deal than ever of 'authenticity', we become less authentic. Everything is a curated presentation. I was talking earlier today with my 28 yr old son about how people are becoming bit parts in their own lives – prepared to be whatever people need them to be. This is indicative of a lack of any strong, organic sense of identity (rather than pick 'n' mix labels) and no over-arching framework of belief, morality or philosophy to underpin their lives. There is no right and wrong – just an opportunistic 'what works' in the here and now. I wrote recently, on my thirtieth wedding anniversary, about the fact that the proposal was spontaneous, late at night, on a cobbled street under the streetlights, just two people in love – we'd only been together six weeks. We don't have a photo, let alone a selfie – and looking back, it is all the better for that. The most important memories don't need photos – they are still as bright and clear as the day they were made.
I feel this very deeply.
One question I have is, how does one decide where to draw the line? No pictures at all, pictures and videos just for the family, pictures and videos shared with grandparents who live far away, pictures and videos shared with other friends, pictures and videos shared publicly? Is it about the intent or the outcome?
We don't post our family on social media or public channels, but my husband films the kids a lot more than I do (or would). But then, we really treasure the family videos he puts together to remember different seasons in our lives. It winds up being about 2 minutes of footage per month – but that's way more than exists of my childhood! Private or not, I wonder what message we send our kids when we film them doing everyday things, even though it's not for public consumption, given the culture all around us.
It's not easy existing in this world, and it's really not easy to exist in a counter-cultural way.
I feel this very deeply.
One question I have is, how does one decide where to draw the line? No pictures at all, pictures and videos just for the family, pictures and videos shared with grandparents who live far away, pictures and videos shared with other friends, pictures and videos shared publicly? Is it about the intent or the outcome?
We don't post our family on social media or public channels, but my husband films the kids a lot more than I do (or would). But then, we really treasure the family videos he puts together to remember different seasons in our lives. It winds up being about 2 minutes of footage per month – but that's way more than exists of my childhood! Private or not, I wonder what message we send our kids when we film them doing everyday things, even though it's not for public consumption, given the culture all around us.
It's not easy existing in this world, and it's really not easy to exist in a counter-cultural way.
I'm so sorry for posting this so many times!! Substack kept telling me it wasn't going through.