The Joy of Missing Out: Lessons from a Church-Wide Digital Detox
How Churches can help roll back the phone-based life
Introduction from Zach Rausch and Jon Haidt:
Over the past few months, we’ve explored the first act of The Anxious Generation: The loss of community, with a series of essays that draw from Robert Putnam’s Bowling Alone. In these posts, we’ve traced how the decline of local communities, beginning in the 1960s, has eroded social trust and deepened parental and family isolation. This isolation—or atomization—has made it harder for parents to feel like they can allow their children to play outside independently, while simultaneously making it more convenient to provide kids with personal digital devices for use at home.
While most of American society has become more atomized, there are exceptions: strongly-bound religious communities. Zach showed that kids who grow up in more religious and conservative families have been more insulated from the effects of this "phone-based childhood," in part due to the in-person bonds these communities offer. To explore this finding further, Seth Kaplan (author of Fragile Neighborhoods) has written a series of essays for us that have primarily been focused on the structures and support within orthodox Jewish communities. In this post, we turn our attention to Christian churches, exploring how congregations can foster collective action and build the robust social bonds and norms needed to counter the harms of a phone-driven childhood.
We are particularly pleased to engage with religious communities and leaders because Jon has long been writing about religion and religious experience, focusing on the community-building effects (because he is a devotee of the sociologist Emile Durkheim.) We wrote about the “spiritually degrading” effects of a phone-based life in Chapter 8 of The Anxious Generation, and Jon has been a guest on a variety of Christian podcasts.
Today’s post is written by Pastor Darren Whitehead. Originally from Australia, Darren has lived in the United States for 26 years. In 2013, he founded Church of the City, now with several locations across Nashville. He earned his Masters in Ministry from Wesley Seminary and his Doctorate from Capital Seminary and Graduate School, with his dissertation focus on Millennials and the future of the Western church. Darren’s recent book The Digital Fast: Detox Your Mind and Reclaim What Matters Most was released this year. Darren lives with his wife, Brandy, and their three daughters in Franklin, Tennessee.
– Zach and Jon
I could never have imagined that what began as a local initiative to help our congregation take a break from the constant noise of digital devices would turn into a national movement. What started as a simple 28-Day Digital Fast at our local church—a focused effort to disconnect from screens and reconnect with God, family, and community—has spread to churches across the United States. The hunger for a deeper, more meaningful life in the digital age resonated far beyond our expectations. What was once a challenge for our local church has now sparked a nationwide conversation about the power of presence, and how intentional disconnection can lead to transformative spiritual renewal.
As the pastor of Church of the City, a ten-thousand-member church across multiple locations in Nashville, Tennessee, I witnessed firsthand how the oversaturation of digital technology was affecting our congregation. People were struggling to connect deeply with God, each other, and even themselves, as technology increasingly monopolized their attention. In response, we initiated a 28-Day Digital Fast—a church-wide effort to step away from screens and rediscover the richness of true presence.
This wasn’t just a temporary lifestyle adjustment; it was a concerted effort to address what social scientists call a collective action problem—where individuals struggle to change their behavior because of conflicting self-interests and societal pressures. But by coming together as a church, we were able to confront this challenge head-on, discovering the “joy of missing out” (JOMO) that replaced the “fear of missing out” (FOMO). What could have been a mere exercise in self-discipline turned into a shared transformative journey of spiritual renewal and collective freedom.
Understanding Collective Action Problems and the Role of Community
The concept of a collective action problem was first popularized by economist Mancur Olson in his seminal book, The Logic of Collective Action (1965). A collective action problem arises when individuals in a group struggle to act in their mutual interest because of conflicting incentives or the lack of a unifying body. In the case of digital consumption, most people recognize the negative consequences—anxiety, loneliness, and a decreased ability to focus—yet find it hard to disconnect because of the societal pull to stay plugged in. When one person decides to unplug, they fear being left out, losing touch, or becoming irrelevant. This creates a paradox: people continue to engage in digital behavior even when it’s harmful, simply because “everyone else is doing it.”
This is where our church community stepped in. A local church is uniquely equipped to tackle collective action problems because it offers a strong, values-driven framework that inspires unified action. We leveraged our shared beliefs, trust, and sense of purpose to create an environment where people could support one another, hold each other accountable, and celebrate small victories together. By engaging in the Digital Fast as a community, we collectively resisted the societal pressures of digital overuse and helped each other discover a healthier rhythm of life.
The 28-Day Digital Fast: A Roadmap to Spiritual Renewal
Tackling digital overuse required more than simply encouraging the congregation to put down their phones. We needed a comprehensive solution deeply rooted in spiritual practices. The 28-Day Digital Fast was designed not just to abstain from screens, but to reorient our attention and ultimately renew our relationship with God, each other, and our true selves.
The initiative kicked off with a sermon series I titled “The Price of Your Device,” where I laid out the spiritual and psychological impacts of digital distractions. Drawing from both scripture and research on technology’s effects on the brain, I emphasized that the fast was not about deprivation but an opportunity to “be still and know” (Psalm 46:10).
We structured the Digital Fast around four seven-day movements—Detach, Discover, Delight, and Determine—each designed to progressively reshape our relationship with technology:
Week 1: Detach focused on “Making Your Smartphone Dumb.” We encouraged participants to remove “distraction” apps (social media, games, news, etc.) and keep only utility apps like phone and text. This initial phase was about creating space and regaining a sense of presence.
Week 2: Discover challenged participants to explore what emerged in the absence of constant digital engagement. Many rediscovered hobbies, rekindled relationships, and engaged in deeper prayer and meditation.
Week 3: Delight was about cultivating joy in the newfound space and time. We emphasized delighting in God’s creation, meaningful conversations, and activities that nourished the soul.
Week 4: Determine focused on solidifying lasting changes. Participants were encouraged to decide which digital habits to reintroduce and which to leave behind, establishing a healthier digital rhythm that prioritized spiritual and relational growth.
From FOMO to JOMO: Redefining the Joy of Missing Out
One of the most profound shifts we experienced was moving from FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) to JOMO (Joy of Missing Out). FOMO, the anxiety that arises from the perception that others are having rewarding experiences that you’re missing, is a major driver of compulsive social media use. But through the Digital Fast, we reframed the experience: the absence of digital noise was not a loss but a gain.
JOMO is a positive embrace of quiet, slow, and seemingly uneventful moments. It’s the freedom to say “no” to distractions so that we can say “yes” to what truly matters—relationships, creativity, solitude, and, above all, communion with God. We shared our JOMO moments—stories of reading physical books, having uninterrupted conversations, and sitting quietly in prayer. These testimonies became a celebration of peace, focus, and spiritual clarity.
The Role of the Local Church in Navigating the Digital Landscape
Our initiative was not just about temporary digital abstinence; it was about modeling how the church can lead in a world dominated by screens. I see the local church as more than a place of worship—it’s a counter-cultural community that stands against the tides of digital conformity. As one congregant noted, “Doing this together made all the difference. If I had tried to do this alone, I would have caved in a week. But seeing my small group also struggling and yet choosing to continue—it made me want to keep going.”
The church’s ability to function as a mediating institution—one that bridges individual and societal needs—makes it an ideal setting for counteracting the formative power of digital technology. Shared faith and commitment create a strong sense of identity and belonging that counters the alienation often felt in the digital age.
The Joy of Missing Out: A Long-Term Vision
The success of the Digital Fast was not just measured by how many people completed it, but by the long-term shifts it catalyzed. As the month came to an end, we challenged the congregation not to return to old habits, but to establish a new relationship with technology. Families reported having more meaningful meals together, small groups found themselves more engaged in discussions, and individuals shared how the practice of digital fasting had spilled over into other areas of their lives.
The ultimate goal was to cultivate a deeper hunger for God’s presence. As I shared in my concluding sermon, “The more we learn to say ‘no’ to what doesn’t matter, the more space we create for what truly does.” This fast was a call to reorder our lives around God’s rhythms of grace, which involve rest, reflection, and relationships—things that digital overconsumption often crowds out.
Implications for Other Churches and Communities
We could never have anticipated that our experience at Church of the City would become a blueprint for churches across the country. Spiritual communities have a unique opportunity to offer a countercultural vision for human flourishing, and the Digital Fast has shown that collective action can be not only possible but truly transformative when driven by shared values and communal support. With hundreds of churches representing over 100,000 people already signed on for this national Digital Fast, we welcome any additional churches to join us in January or during the season of Lent (March) 2025.
Ultimately, the Digital Fast was about more than technology; it was about reclaiming the sacredness of presence and attentiveness. It was a modern-day spiritual pilgrimage through the wilderness of the digital age. And for Church of the City, it was a journey worth taking—a journey that led us not away from life, but into its fullest expression.
If you or your local church would like to join the other churches across the United States for the 28-Day Digital Fast sign up at DigitalFast2025.com.
 | A guest post by
|
The Christian Church has been too silent on the role of technology in the darkening of society. Thank you, Darren, for showing strong leadership in this critical space. May more priests and pastors begin speaking aggressively about this issue and teach their families #delayistheway.
Thank you for sharing. Agreed there needs to be awareness and tradition in this area! As a pastor of a small church in Maine I am always looking for ways to address this topic in a biblical, practical and applicable way.Thank you Jon & Darren for leading the charge.